


The Suspicious Death of Steve Rogers

by Dreamergirl185



Category: Avengers
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Karen Page, BAMF Matt Murdock, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Evil Alexander Pierce, Fake Character Death, Foggy Nelson Is a Good Bro, Hurt Steve Rogers, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Idiots in Love, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Multi, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, Not Really Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Protective Nick Fury, Secret Identity, Selfless Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Stony - Freeform, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Top Tony Stark, Tortured Steve Rogers, avengers as a family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2020-10-19 16:23:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20660180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamergirl185/pseuds/Dreamergirl185
Summary: He has a different relationship with all of them; Thor is his clueless buddy, the person he experiences the 21st century with. Clint who likes to sit with him on the couch, especially after both of them have had a bad day, enjoying the others comfort and company. Bruce who is a mother hen, fussing over his wounds and making sure he eats enough everyday. Nat who had become his best friend, and partner for missions. And then there was Tony. He couldn't even begin to describe how much Tony meant to him.The Avenger's were a family, and family sacrifices anything to keep the others safe. That's why it was obvious what had to happen;Steve Rogers had to die.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just so I don't have to say this every time I own nothing of Marvel's. Only my plot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue for the story so this chapter is shorter then what the future ones will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, thanks for checking out my newest story. I have another story called Finding our Happy Ending and if you're a fan of that story I just want to say that even though I'm starting this story that one isn't abandoned.

It was obvious what had to happen. 

Steve stood in his room at the apartment building in Brooklyn he stayed at when he needed an escape from the world of Captain America. Most of the time though he lived at Stark tower with everyone else, and he never thought he'd think of anywhere other than Brooklyn as home, but he was wrong. Because he realized that home wasn't the place, it was the people he surrounded himself with. 

Thor, who was as clueless as he was when it came to modern things, so he never felt like an idiot when he talked to the god.

Clint, who liked to sit around and watch TV with him and explain things when Steve didn't understand, and didn't tease him about it.

Bruce, who always made sure he was eating and sleeping enough, and even though he wasn't a real doctor, always checked over his wounds after missions.

Nat, who had become like a sister to him, and joked around with him, never treating him like glass that was about to break. 

And Tony. God there wasn't enough to say about his relationship with Tony. They weren't together, but Steve wanted to be so badly. He's not sure when he stopped disliking Tony to having feelings for him but it had happened. Sometimes it got a bit ridiculous. Like when he would sit in Tony's lab sketching and Tony would stretch after sitting in the same position for so long and his shirt would rise up. Steve had snapped his pencil and couldn't leave the room fast enough, his cheeks so flushed it hurt. They never spoke about that moment which Steve was forever grateful for, but he noticed the odd looks Tony would give him. He probably thought he was weird. 

That's why it made this situation both easy and hard. 

Easy because he was keeping everyone safe. Hard because he was leaving.

He shouldered his duffle bag and did one final sweep of the room. Whatever he didn't take was gone. Most of his valuable stuff was at the tower but he had some things he had here that he didn't want the others to see but meant a lot to him. Like his sketchbook of Tony. It was kind of stalkerish for him to have a book dedicated to Tony but he found himself most inspired when he watched him. He could be doing the most simple things like laying on the couch watching tv and still Steve itched for a pencil to sketch his beauty. 

_ "Captain Rogers. I'll make the choice easy for you. You do everything I say or I flip the switch"  _ he was stuck in a shitty situation that he had no control over. It was play the sick bastard's twisted game or risk the lives of everyone he cares about. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out to see if it was from his 'boss'.

_ From Shellhead: I know Brooklyn's important to you but it's a Friday night and you're going to ruin tradition. We've got the pizzas and everyone's picked a movie for the night except you. How are we supposed to get you educated if you ditch movie night? Nat says that if you let the pizzas get cold she'll spray paint the shield hot pink. So hurry back Capsicle _

Steve bit his lip to stop the sob that threatened to escape but he couldn't stop the tears that dripped down his cheeks. He didn't know how he was going to do this, but he had to. He could picture them all now, sitting in the common living room they shared on their mutual floor all eagerly waiting for him to arrive so they could put on the movie and eat pizza. It was Clint's turn to pick first so it was probably James Bond, or Mission Impossible. Clint and Nat would both complain about the unrealistic scenes, Tony would tinker with something on his Stark pad only commenting when necessary, Thor would admire the explosions and want to join in on the action, and Bruce would relax and watch them all. 

How long would they sit on the couch, watching the door and checking their phones as the minutes went by? Would they hear about it on the news or would Fury tell them? He could only hope that if it was Fury who told them, he would actually be delicate and show emotion instead of his usual straight to business no nonsense attitude. 

His phone buzzed again and he checked it to see if it was Tony, but it wasn't. Anger and dread rushed through his veins as he read the new text. 

_ From The douchebag I can't wait to kill: Tick Tok Rogers. I was nice enough to get everyone out, but I can start killing people. Maybe starting with your crush? Get your ass moving, and if I were you I wouldn't respond to his text _

Putting on his soldier face he left his apartment making sure to knock on everyone's door in the building to make sure everyone was really out. Exiting the building he slipped his hood over his head and started walking to the pick up point. He'd have to change his appearance, he couldn't risk being spotted and destroying everything he was protecting. 

His building exploded behind him, people screaming in fear, but he wasn't Captain America right now. He couldn't turn around and reassure people that it was ok.

After all, it was obvious what had to happen.

Steve Rogers had to die. 

  
  



	2. Six Weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness everyone, thank you all for the kudos

Six weeks. It had been six weeks since the fake death, and Steve couldn't feel anything. It was like being in the ice again, except this time fully conscious. He felt numb, frozen inside. He couldn't look in a mirror anymore because he didn't like what he saw. It wasn't him, it was a stranger, it was a puppet who waited for its owner to pull the strings and give him purpose.

They had allowed him to keep his blonde hair and clean shaven face to make sure he never forgot that it actually was him. Everytime he did see his reflection, he was reminded that he was Captain America, and yet he was H.Y.D.R.A’s puppet. 

Three weeks ago he had seen on the news the announcement of Captain America's death. Fury was the one who did the interview, keeping it short and straight to the point. It broke Steve when he heard the voice crack when Fury said the word dead. The man never showed emotions deeming it a weakness, but when it came to Steve and his other agents he couldn't help it. The Avengers weren't present and Steve knew they were probably all locked in the tower and hadn't left since the news reached them. 

Steve lived in New York still, which was risky but he couldn't leave. As much as he wanted to say he couldn't leave because it was his home, the truth was darker. He couldn't leave because his 'boss' didn't want him too. It was a sick torture. Being so close to everyone, but not being able to see them.

His phone rang from his nightstand. He was allowed to keep his phone but with a blocker on it so that it couldn't be tracked. Another cruel punishment; being able to contact the team with a push of a button, but not being able to. And it was an even sicker torture to himself when he scrolled through text messages and photos saved. Not a day had gone by where Steve didn't break down into tears.

_ Incoming call from Shield traitor  _

And as much as Steve wanted to ignore it he couldn't. Terrible things would happen if he did. 

"What?" he growled into the phone.

_ "Captain America I would watch your tone if I were you"  _ they always used Captain America when talking to him. They loved to mess with his head, knowing that they could never break him physically.

"My deepest apologies" he replied sarcastically, ignoring the pain in his chest when it reminded him of how Tony would answer. The person on the line laughed, a dark and twisted sound, like nails on a chalkboard. 

"What do you want Rumlow?" he was tired of playing games, he just wanted answers. The sooner he could figure out their angle, the sooner he could find a way to kill them all, the sooner he could go home. He wanted to go home. 

"I know you've been so bored at home doing nothing but lazing around. Did you watch the news three weeks ago? Pretty sad stuff. I've never seen the director so sad" Rumlow mocked and Steve had to bite his lip till he tasted blood to restrain from snarking back. He was never the extremely violent type, but if he ever got his hands on Rumlow he would rip his tongue out with his bare hands. 

"I'm not at home, I'm in some run down crack house that I'll be staying in until I can go home" he hissed clenching his fist as Rumlow continued to laugh.

"Sweetheart, you act like you'll be going home"

"Don't call me sweetheart"

"Sure thing darling" how much had he been studied before they decided to strike? They knew Steve's interactions with everyone so well. Especially Tony. When Steve told Tony to not call him a nickname he would respond with a new one, usually worse and more annoying than the first. 

"What do you want?" he took a pause between each word, trying to calm himself down before he did something rash. 

"We've got a mission for you" great, now he would be doing work for the group he considered his arch nemesis. H.Y.D.R.A had brought him nothing but pain, and yet here he was being forced to work for them. He had a list of reasons of why he should kill everyone that even uttered hail hydra and the list only grew everyday. The top of the list was Bucky. He would make them all pay for killing Bucky.

"A mission?"

"Yes, and you're going to love it because it's exactly what you want. You're going home" and he couldn't have heard that right. He had to have misheard because why would H.Y.D.R.A force him to fake his own death, only to have him go home without helping them in anyway?

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't apologize love. You're going home. But not as Steve Rogers" and there it was. Another cruel thing to do to him. Partially give him what he wants, but keep it fully from ever being in his grasp. 

"And what exactly is my mission?" 

"Well since the death of the worlds greatest hero, they are in need of a replacement" and that stung, thinking about the fact that the team would already be looking for his replacement when it's only been six weeks, "so we're going to get you a new costume, and we're going to cause chaos close to Stark tower. You're going to join in on the fight before the heroes can arrive, and it should spark Fury's interest" and it really was a genius plan, and he knew that Fury would probably recruit him to the team. But there had to be something else, what did H.Y.D.R.A gain by having him do this?

"We'll tell you what we want later. We want you to get partially reacquainted with your family before springing more tasks on you. We're nice like that" Rumlow said in mock sympathy, and Steve realized he had spoken out loud. 

"When does the mission start?" he choked out defeated, because there wasn't anything he could do. 

"Right now. The new costume is outside your door. At exactly five o clock, yes rush hour when the streets are busiest, we're sending a present so I suggest you hurry up because with or without you there, we’re setting it loose. And it is set to kill. It doesn't understand orders so it's not going to know that it has to keep you alive. You'll know what it is when you see it. Once you take out the target, let everyone get a good glimpse at you without making it obvious that that's what you're doing. We want people to snap photos of you so that Fury tells everyone to be on the hunt for you. Then you get your ass out of there before they can catch you. And one last thing; since you can't be Captain America anymore, I think I'll refer to you as Captain Hydra" and with that Rumlow hung up the phone and Steve had to resist the urge to throw it against the wall opposite him, and watch in satisfaction as it broke into a million little pieces. 

Glancing at the clock on his phone he realized it was 4:37. Rushing to the door he almost pulled it off the hinges in an effort to get to the package, because there was no way he would make it downtown New York at the busiest hour if he didn't hurry up and run. He didn't even get changed in the bedroom, just striped down in his living room and ripped open the box. He was a little embarrassed, knowing that there were cameras all throughout the apartment so that H.Y.D.R.A could watch his every move, and he had just taken off his clothes for whoever was watching. Normally he would get changed under his blanket so that they couldn't see anything but he was forced to keep his head above the blankets so that a part of him was seen, and he peed sitting down. The shower had no camera which he was thankful for, but he had to put his phone on the counter so that they could see that he hadn't brought it in with him. H.Y.D.R.A really had thought of everything. 

The costume was simple. All black bodysuit with body armour built in, a holster for weapons, and a mask that covered his face. There was something else in the box. A semi transparent grey mask with a sticky note on top that said  _ 'put me on like a ski mask'  _ so Steve did just that. The mask did nothing for a few seconds before lighting up and changing. The mask was something technological. Curious Steve walked over to a mirror to see what had happened and looked on in shock at his reflection. 

Because it wasn't his reflection.

His face was completely different. He had brown hair and a beard and brown eyes that were slightly bigger than his own. His nose was pointier and his lips were narrower. The mask was somehow able to give him a completely new face. 

His phone buzzed.

_ From The douchebag I can't wait to kill: I know Rumlow told you what happens at five no matter what. Tick Tok Captain Hydra it's 4:46 _

If he ran he could make it there in fifteen minutes.

Slipping the other mask over his face he left the apartment. 

He made it in ten.

People we're giving him weird looks as he walked the street in front of S.I. He knew he was putting people on edge by pacing, but he couldn't help it. He didn't know where this thing was coming from, and he didn't know what it would look like. He had to be ready to spring in any direction. It was 4:59, one minute until something really bad happened. His phone buzzed, and it was becoming the worst sound in the world. 

_ Show time _

The sound of screams caused him to spring into action. It was the most like himself he had felt since this whole ordeal, because throwing himself into battle for the people of the world was his speciality. Following the screams he stopped as he stared at...something. It was a person, he thinks. They were much taller than him, possibly close to eight feet tall. Bulging muscles, and a bloodthirsty grin on its face. H.Y.D.R.A had secret weapons that no one knew about. They locked eyes and it grinned at him before charging. Steve went to throw his shield at it to stop it when he realized he didn't have his shield. For once in his life he wouldn't be fighting with his shield. 

He got hit hard because of his falter, and he flew back into a car knocking it over onto its side. Steve had never wanted the Hulk more than he did right now. His whole body ached, and he had only been in the fight for five seconds and only one hit. He wiped some blood from his lip where it had split open. A woman screaming brought his attention away from his injury, and he pulled himself up using the car. A woman was trying to get her daughter from the backseat of her own vehicle but the giant was going after her. 

Charging, Steve pulled the giant away from the lady and threw him into a different car. He didn't go as far as he hoped, but it was still enough to deter him and get his focus back on Steve. He had no weapons. H.Y.D.R.A supplied him with nothing, it was like they wanted him to die. The giant charged him again but Steve ducked and kicked the back of its leg. It grabbed Steve and threw him into a light pole. It snapped in half, and it was pure adrenaline that kept Steve going. He picked up the light pole and whacked the giant with it, knocking it over. He hit it again, and again before the giant grabbed the pole and threw it behind him leaving Steve weaponless. 

There was another roar, but this time it didn't come from the giant and Steve felt a rush of emotions flow through him, as he realized the other Avengers had come to join the fight. He wasn't sure if he could stay focused with them so close, but damn, it was so good to see them. Hulk charged the giant and struck him down, and it quickly turned into a brawl, monster vs monster.

"You alright?" it was Clint who asked him, rushing over to support his weight. He wanted to hug Clint, but that would blow his cover so he settled for just answering.

"I'm fine" the mask was also altering his voice. It wasn't as deep, and didn't have a Brooklyn accent. 

"What the hell is that thing?" there was Nat, joining the two of them, gun drawn as if that would stop him. Knowing how deadly the black widow was it probably would if she willed it too. She wasn't looking at him, keeping her eyes trained on Giant. That's what Steve had decided his name was. 

"Not sure. Came out of nowhere" he struggled to keep his voice steady. 

"And you just happened to be nearby, wearing your...costume?" she arched a brow at him, and Clint tightened his grip to try and stop him if he ran away.

"I always wear the suit under my clothes. Never know when you'll need to quickly change" and he was an idiot, trying to lie to two master spies/assassins who lied for a living. It was obvious they knew he wasn't telling the truth, or at least not the whole truth, but they let the subject drop. Thor had joined the battle, knocking Giant over with mjolnir. The only one missing was Tony. He looked at the tower to see if the suit was flying, but it wasn't. 

"Not much us mortals can do. We should make a perimeter between us and the civilians in case it tries to run" Clint was speaking to Nat, but he snuck a glance at him to see how he would respond.

"I can walk on my own. I can help" Nat and Clint had one of those silent eye talks that only they could do. Steve could guess what they were talking about. What if he's on giants side, what if he's just a stupid fanboy wearing a costume and not an actual hero, what if he can actually help?

"Fine. You stay here" Nat ordered nodding at Clint to let him go, and Steve wondered if she had taken over as team leader. Despite her past and how terrifying she was, and not always a people person she would make a good leader. Steve nodded and made some civilians move back as they got close, wanting to see the Avengers in action. The first time together since Captain America's death. But despite it being the first time they still worked together flawlessly and Steve was so proud of them all.

Giant threw Hulk towards Thor and knocked them both out before locking eyes with Steve. Even though Rumlow said the giant wasn't good at listening it seemed he knew that Steve was somehow important in this fight. He charged at Steve, and Steve couldn't move because if he did Giant would run right into a group of civilians who were snapping pictures. At least that part of the plan was over with. Bracing himself for the hit he raised his arms hoping to be able to grab Giants arms and stop him from pushing him. But before he could test it out there was a flash of gold and red before it landed in front of him and fired a repulser at Giant, sending him flying. 

Tony Stark had joined the fight. 

But he didn't enter with his usual sarcastic entrance remark, or with his AC/DC music, and Steve's heart ached. Tony glanced back at him, and Steve wondered if his tech would be able to see past the mask.

"The hell are you?" Tony snapped and Steve flinched at the bite in his voice. Steve was really going to enjoy tearing H.Y.D.R.A apart. 

"Tony. Glad you could join" Nat snapped, and ok, maybe they weren’t as in tune with each other as Steve had originally thought. 

"Be glad I even showed up" Tony flew into the air, and charged into the battle, only to get tossed aside and thrown into a building. Steve had to bite his tongue to stop his shout of worry. Tony had a suit, Tony would be fine. But they couldn't beat Giant without a plan, and he couldn't exactly take charge. He'd have to do something and hope they all went along with it. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

_ From Shield traitor: Did I forget to mention that the thing has a weak spot? Back of its neck, you hit it hard enough and he'll go down _

This was the only time Steve felt grateful for a text. He eyed the broken light post. He couldn't just grab that without others being aware of his incredible strength, but then again he had already lifted it. It was most likely someone had taken a photo of him lifting it. Grabbing the smaller of the two pieces he ran ideas through his head, trying to pick out his best course of action. 

Hulk was locked up with Giant, Thor was currently pulling himself out of a pile of rubble, and Tony was lined up with giants back, firing repulsor beams. Steve just needed a way to reach the back of Giants neck and deliver a hard enough blow. And he wasn't going to succeed by standing around, so tightening his grip careful not to dent the metal, he charged forward. 

"What the hell are you doing?" he wasn't sure who shouted that, but he couldn't focus on that. While Hulk kept Giants arms busy it gave Steve the perfect opportunity to strike. Ducking around Tony he approached Giants back and lifted the pole up over his head, and brought it down with as much force as he could. Giant froze up instantly, and hit the ground hard, collapsing on top of Hulk who growled in protest. Tony floated in the air above him calculating the situation.

"Jobs done. Good bye" and then he flew away back to the tower, ignoring Nat's shouts of protest. His phone buzzed again.

_ From Shield traitor: Nicely done Captain Hydra. Now say your goodbyes. There's a black van around the corner. Get in _

Pocketing his phone he started to slink away hoping to escape before anyone noticed.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Clint yelled, and Steve turned around to see Clint helping Thor stand, and Nat help bruce come back.

"Away" Steve responded.

"At least tell us your name?" Steve paused for a second. He supposes he'll have to have a new name. 

"Nomad" he's not sure where that came from, but it would work. Hopefully he wouldn't be Nomad for long. He left while he had the chance, and climbed into the van.

He wanted to punch all the smug looking H.Y.D.R.A agents in the van.

  
  



	3. A Team in Mourning

H.Y.D.R.A was right. Not even twenty four hours later after the attack in front of the tower and Fury was already on the lookout for 'Nomad'. Rumlow had been the one to tell him, and it made Steve's insides turn. When Rumlow had first revealed himself as H.Y.D.R.A that day in the old base, after the threat was made, it surprised Steve. A man he had trusted, who was a high level S.H.I.E.L.D agent working in the S.T.R.I.K.E branch, a branch he worked directly with, was a bad guy. And now every time Rumlow brought up S.H.I.E.L.D news it made him want to be sick, because Rumlow was learning everything and giving it away to the enemy. He had everyone fooled. And if it was so easy for him to slip in undetected, how many other S.H.I.E.L.D agents were actually H.Y.D.R.A?

After Steve had gotten in the van they had dropped him back off at his apartment and told him to stay put. Not like he could go anywhere else. They told him they would contact him again when they received word that the plan was a go. 

Which is why he was now standing by the curb waiting for a different vehicle to show up to take him to S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, Nomad gear in a bag on his side. It wasn't safe to use the same vehicle too many times or it might get suspicious. They had waited two weeks before deciding it was time to move the plan along. They didn't want it to seem like Rumlow knew how to find him, and they wanted to show that 'Nomad' was good at hiding. If he could be found too fast, Fury wouldn't want him.

A shiny black car pulled to a screeching halt beside him and the back seat door opened for him. Rumlow was grinning at him.

"Not as nice as Stark's, but it will do" Steve glared and slid in beside him, keeping as much distance as he could between them. Rumlow didn't like that and brushed their knees together, smirking at the fact that he couldn't do anything. He looked at the front seat to see who was driving, and give him something else to focus on, and groaned at who he saw.

"You have got to be kidding me" Jack Rollins stared back at him, no emotion on his face. This was three supposed agents he knew were now H.Y.D.R.A. and he had a feeling there was a lot more.

"Surprised?" Rumlow grinned leaning back in his seat. "Old Jacky boy here is one of us. Makes you wonder who really is on your side"

"I can't wait to fish you all out and throw you from the helicarrier" he growled out, but Rumlow snapped his fingers in his face.

"None of that talk unless you want us to flip the switch" and that got Steve to back down immediately. Until he could figure out how to deactivate it he had to be the perfect little lap dog. Once it was flipped however, Steve’s hands would be covered in blood. 

"What's the plan?" Both Rollins and Rumlow grinned like sharks at his defeated tone. 

"Listen up because I'm only saying this once. Any fuck ups and someone looses their head. We're going to escort you to Fury. Act like we managed to find your address from your neighbour who knows your secret identity. Carter Bishop is your new alias" and Steve new that was a jab at his past love Peggy Carter, "and we've given you a fake address and number that if Fury checks out will match everything we told him. You're from Hell's Kitchen, seeing the crime there is what motivated you to become Nomad, and you work as a waiter by day at The Clifton. Also explains why you were near Stark tower, Hell's Kitchen is also in Manhattan. Occasionally you will go to that apartment, but any time we need you you will go to your H.Y.D.R.A apartment. Your neighbour is Cathy Watts" it was Rollins who spoke to him, all business unlike Rumlow who loved to tease and joke around. The plan was brilliant, they hadn't left any detail out that Fury would be able to target and pick at exposing the truth. 

"And I assume Cathy Watts and The Clifton are both funded by H.Y.D.R.A?" 

"Of course. They'll provide cover for you if anyone does any digging. Now it's time for you to get into costume, Captain" Rumlow grinned eyeing Steve. He glared but Rumlow didn't look away, so Steve begrudgingly got changed under his watchful eyes. He stripped off his shirt first, and Rumlow whistled.

"Damn, you couldn't land Stark with a body like that? I've seen him hook up with much uglier people than you. I guess he really wasn't interested" Steve bit his lip to stop from lashing out. How had H.Y.D.R.A figured out he liked Tony? He hadn't told anyone.

He knew Tony wasn't interested in him, he didn't need to be reminded of it. Especially by his enemy.

"Keep going magic Mike"

"I didn't think that was your type of movie. Channing Tatum turn you on Rumlow?" Steve sassed back, and tried to suppress a wince when Rumlow grabbed his hair and dragged him down so that his ear was by Rumlow's mouth. It seemed no matter what Steve did he would never be able to beat these guys.

"I've got a gun in my pocket. Keep up with the attitude and I start shooting civilians" he threw Steve's head back, and it bounced against the car window. Fuck, he really was helpless. He quickly got dressed after that and didn't say another word. They finally arrived and pulled to a stop in front of headquarters. Rollins got out first and opened the door for Steve,  _ Carter _ , he was Carter right now, and kept him in-between Rumlow and himself at all times. 

"Remember Bishop" Rollins hissed in his ear and Steve kept his eyes forward as they stood in an elevator. There were many things he had to remember.  _ Remember the file, remember the plan, remember what's a stake, remember what happens if you fail.  _

"Carter Bishop" Fury was standing on the other side of the elevator doors, flanked by Maria Hill. If there were three people that Steve was sure were S.H.I.E.L.D through and through were Fury, Hill, and the late Coulson.

"That's me" he nodded at Fury, trying not to sound so formal like Steve Rogers was. He couldn't have any Rogers traits right now. Fury scanned him over with his good eye before turning around and walking into his office. Steve almost took a step forward, knowing he was meant to follow, but stopped himself. Bishop wouldn't know that. Hill gave him a quick glance over before ordering him to follow her into the office. Rumlow and Rollins didn't move to follow and Steve felt like he could breathe a bit better for the first time in a while. 

Fury was sitting at his desk when they entered and Hill left them alone but stood outside the door in ear shot should Fury need anything. 

"Sit" Fury nodded at the chair opposite his desk, and he did just that. 

"You can remove the mask" Steve panicked inwardly. Had Fury already figured it out?! No, no, no, he couldn't have the others were all in danger- it came to him a moment later that Fury meant his actual mask that he had forgotten he had slipped on, and not the mask that altered his face. He took it off, taking calming breaths, and put it on the floor beside his chair. 

"It's funny, Mr. Bishop. S.H.I.E.L.D is able to detect and find any unusual activities, like gifted people, and yet we've never discovered you" yet you can't see that agents of S.H.I.E.L.D were actually H.Y.D.R.A.

"I tend to keep a low profile. Hell's Kitchen is a dangerous place, so no one really bats an eye when they hear something has happened" he shrugged, trying to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. 

"Yet I've heard of Hell's Kitchen's famous Daredevil" Fury arched a brow. Steve had heard of him, but only when Fury was discussing possible Avengers recruits. Steve knew that they couldn't figure out his identity, which is something that pissed Fury off. 

"He's more active than I am"

"Yes. You must be busy at your job at..." Fury trailed off leaving it open for Steve to fill in. He knew Fury would know the answer, he wanted to see if Steve knew the answer.

"The Clifton. Have you ever been?" so far Steve was doing a good job with the questions. 

"Never, maybe I'll have to try it sometime. How did your neighbour, what was her name again, figure out you were Nomad?" Steve panicked. No one had told him how Cathy had figured out he was Nomad. Did that mean an answer wasn't given? It wasn't easy to read Fury's eye to see if he knew the answer or if he was really curious. The man showed no emotion. 

"Cathy Watts. I was an idiot, forgot that I had given her a key to my place. She was inside when I walked in dressed in my costume" please don't let that be a mistake, please. Fury stared at him, eye narrowed, and Steve was almost ready to confess, take off his mask, and demand that they get to the other Avengers and protect them. But Fury nodded and let up on his death stare. 

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here Bishop. What you did two weeks ago was impressive. You took down something that the Hulk couldn't",  _ only because I had the cheat code _ , "and we are looking for a new teammate. As you're probably aware we lost someone very important to us" Fury closed his eye at that and took a deep breath. Fury may act like an asshole who would gladly leave a teammate behind if it meant the greater good without a second thought, but that was far from the truth. He was a caring person who cared about his team as if they were his own family. He had brought them all into the Avengers, so he probably felt responsible for them. His death must have felt like a failure. 

"I am very sorry for your loss"  _ I am sorry for lying to you all and causing you pain.  _

"It's fine. Steve was a great man, who will be dearly missed. But we can't let his death keep us from protecting the earth. And I think you would be a good addition to the team" 

"Is the team really ready for a new teammate. It's been what? Eight weeks since his death?" a part of him hoped that Fury said yes, they were ready. That the team wasn't wallowing in sorrow, finding it hard to get out of bed every morning, if they even slept. The other part of him, the selfish part, wished that Fury would say no. That the team hadn't moved on already because Steve didn't want them to. Because he would return to them someday as Steve Rogers, and he didn't want them to have forgotten about him. 

"It's necessary" Fury stood so Steve copied. "Come meet them"...

What?!

He must have resembled a deer in headlights because Fury snorted. Under normal circumstances, Steve would have bottled that noise and stored it in his mind, but this was a terrible situation. Rumlow and Rollins hadn't said that he would be meeting the team today. He needed more time, he needed to prepare, he needed to curl under a blanket and never surface again. 

"You'll be fine. It may be a little tense, and they may lash out and say things but it's nothing personal" Fury put a hand on his shoulder and steered him out of his office, Maria still standing there like a perfect soldier, and took him down the hallway to the meeting room. Steve wanted to protest, or run away but he knew he couldn't. 

Tense couldn't even begin to describe the state of the room. It was quiet, which never happened. Between Tony's sassy remarks, Clint's retorts, and Nat threatening to kill them both it was never quiet. The other sign that nothing was ok was how they were sitting. Normally they would sit as close as possible, but now it seemed like no one wanted to be beside each other. Not even the assassin besties. Steve took a moment to observe everyone. 

Thor was fiddling with a string on his shirt, not eating a pop tart or other food he loved which is something he brought to every meeting. 

Bruce was glaring at the table, and his skin had a greenish tint to it, which was probably why he seemed the most secluded. 

Clint's eyes were closed and he was leaning back in his chair, but there was a deep frown on his face that caused his whole face to scrunch up. 

Nat was staring at Steve and Fury, emotionless, like how she was before she joined the team.

And Tony...oh god. Tony was drinking straight from a whiskey bottle. 

All of them had deep eye bags, pale skin with the exception of Bruce, and as silly as it sounded no one's hair was shiny. Nat and Thor especially had gorgeous vibrant hair, but it seemed that the sadness had even taken over the hair follicles. Steve guessed that no one had slept by choice since his 'death'

Fury cleared his throat, but still only Nat was the one who looked at them.

"This is Carter Bishop, or as you know him-"

"Steves replacement" Tony bit out, taking another gulp from the bottle. It was already half gone. Fury took a deep breath.

"We aren't replacing Steve. But we can't stop protecting the earth because of one man's death" 

"And there's no other superheroes you could ask to do this job? We just lost a family member, and you're already adopting someone new" Clint bit out, and it was the first time Steve had ever heard Clint talk back. He had been with S.H.I.E.L.D the longest, he respected and worshiped the organization that saved him. To hear him snap, shit Steve didn't realize how hard this would be. 

"No other heroes I trust more than you five" 

"You don't actually expect us to view this, sorry what was your name? Never mind, I don't really care. But you don't expect us to view him as team leader do you?" Steve dug his fingernails into his thigh to try and take some of the emotional pain away, because Bruce was now talking like this, and it was too much.

"Of course not. I don't know how many times I can stress this, I am not replacing Steve. But you saw what this guy did two weeks ago. The world needs him" Tony stood up, pushing his chair back so hard it hit the wall. He stormed over to where they were standing, swaying as he walked meaning that that wasn't his first bottle of whiskey, and got in Fury's face the others just watching from their seats. 

"I told you Fury. I told you I didn't want to be a part of this team, but you dragged me in. And look what I got for listening to your bullshit. I lost one of the most important people in my life. If I had just ignored you-"

"What Stark? What would have happened? You'd be dead first of all if I hadn't showed up or sent Natasha to be your P.A. And then what? You'd drink yourself to death in your lab, all alone. Face it, you need this team" and Tony honest to god slapped Fury in the face, and Fury just let him. 

"I don't mean to interrupt this thrilling argument, but I'm already on edge and you're making it worse" Bruce spit out from the table. 

"Perhaps the director is right. We lost a soldier, that doesn't mean we give up on the battle" Thor chimed in with the wrong thing to say. 

"Stop trying to sound like Steve. We aren't soldiers and we aren't at battle. We're humans who just lost our best friend" Nat growled out. Steve could only awkwardly watch from where he stood, as his team, his family fell apart around him. He wanted to take charge and calm everyone down, but he knew that would only make things worse. They didn't need him to open his mouth. 

"So what are we supposed to do? Let the world go to shit because we lost one man?" Fury asked, removing Tony's right hand from where it was gripping his trench coat. 

"He wasn't just some man! He was the best damn person in the world, he was better than every single person in this room" Tony shouted, stumbling backwards. 

"You think I don't know that! You all think this is so easy on me, to try and replace someone I cared about. But the world didn't end because of his death" Fury shouted back, which caused almost everyone to jump, not used to the cool and collected director raising his voice. Bruce quickly left the room, skin looking even more green than before. Nat quickly stood and followed after him, probably to make sure he didn't actually Hulk out and start killing people. Thor and Clint followed them after a few minutes, sensing the meeting was over. It was just Tony and Fury now, with Steve awkwardly standing beside the two watching them to see what would happen. Tony grabbed Fury's trench coat again with both hands and tugged him closer, dropping the whiskey bottle where it smashed on the tiled floor. There were only a few drops of liquid left. 

"Yes it did" he spit out before shoving Fury out of the way and storming out. Fury took a deep breath, running a hand over his face before looking at Steve.

"We'll be in contact" he turned and left, leaving Steve and wasn't that kind of funny? The guy who left everyone, was now the one that got left alone.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

_From The shield traitor: That was fun_ _to watch_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't think I'm going to add Bucky. I don't know, I think the story would work better if the Winter Soldier didn't exist. Unless someone has a cool way I could add him in. I'm open to suggestions


	4. Nelson and Murdock Attorney's at Law

The apartment near Hell's Kitchen was nicely furnished, but not overly done. It was the perfect look for someone who was only a chef. There were random pictures around the apartment, some of him with random people in it. It was very good, what was it called? Picture shop? He was sure that was a term Tony had tried to teach him when he decided to give him a detailed lesson on the twenty first century. He would have to ask Tony when he got back to him. Anyways, there were pictures around the place to represent his family if S.H.I.E.L.D every stopped by his place to snoop. There were some cookbooks on the book case, and his work uniform hung in his closet. H.Y.D.R.A had done an outstanding job with the place and it pissed Steve off. 

After he had left his 'first' ever S.H.I.E.L.D meeting he had been instructed by Rumlow to take a cab to the address given, because both him and Rollins were on duty. It was most likely that Fury would have Carter followed for a bit to see if he was who he said he was so it was safest for Steve to live in his secret identity home. Funny thing that was, trying to convince a man who detected lying for a living that you were someone you actually weren't. 

He had run into Cathy when he was going into his apartment. She was around his age, and even though she was the enemy she was very pretty. Maybe she was meant to play his girlfriend or something if Fury ever asked. She gave him a chilling smirk before walking past him, purposely brushing his hand with hers. His skin burned at the contact and he had quickly rushed into the apartment after that, slamming the door behind him her devilish laugh following him in. He couldn't have a reaction like that every time he saw the woman, if S.H.I.E.L.D saw that he disliked her it would tip them off. But god was it hard.

Seeing his family today had hurt so much. He had started to shake after he left the meeting room, ten minutes after everyone else, and he couldn't stop. Seeing Tony drunk, Bruce turning green, Nat and Clint actually talking back to the director who was actually showing emotion, and poor Thor trying to do Steve's job and keep everyone together only to get kicked back down. It hurt so much, like someone had a hold of his heart and was squeezing it, trying to get it to explode. 

_ Yes it did _ kept ringing through his ears. Tony had sounded so heartbroken as he spoke, and that line that was the one that almost got him to break. Knowing how much he meant to Tony that it was causing the man to suffer. 

Standing in the apartment made him feel like he couldn't breath, the walls closing in around him reminding him of where he was, so he decided to go for a walk. As long as he was still wearing the identity mask H.Y.D.R.A couldn't get mad at him. Then again, H.Y.D.R.A didn't play by the rules. Grabbing his phone he texted Rumlow to let him know he was going to walk around, get familiar with the area and find out where The Clifton was. Without waiting for a response back he left, locking the apartment behind him, and pulling his hood over his head. It was a force of habit, one that was unnecessary now but he couldn't stop. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket but he decided to ignore it for the first time ever. Rumlow was at work, what could he possibly do.

He had never been in Hell's Kitchen, but he had read about it on his Starkpad. It was a bad place, like Gotham from the Batman comics. It attracted the bad guys, crime was through the roof, and no one was safe, especially at night. He was glad that the man called Daredevil was here to keep people safe. It really would be an honour to have a just man like that on the team. He was surprised that the team had never been sent to Hell's Kitchen to help out but so far Daredevil seems to have it handled. 

He was caught off guard as a woman turned the corner too fast and slammed into his chest. Instincts kicking in he gripped her arms and stopped her from falling backwards and preventing her from dropping the many stacks of papers and books she was carrying. 

"Are you alright?" he asked steadying her, and she pulled out of his grip taking a step back into a defensive stance, papers and books in front of her like they were some sort of weapon. Honestly, if this girl was anything like Pepper he wouldn't be surprised if she could kill him with the bundle. Pepper could if she wanted to. That woman could be scarier than Nat at times.

"Ya, I'm fine" she snapped out, adjusting what must be a heavy load of stuff in her arms, and Steve nodded awkwardly. He had never been good in any form of social situation, even one as ridiculous as this. 

"Alright. You have a good day" he went to walk around her, but she raised a hand up and stopped him.

"I'm sorry, I've just been having a rough few days. I didn't mean to seem like such a bitch" she smiled weakly at him.

"Trust me, I know the feeling" expect his rough days had been for weeks and he was still going through it.

"I'm Karen. Karen Page" she held her hand out and Steve shook it in his.

"Carter Bishop" he mentally patted himself on the back for remembering to use that name. When Karen pulled her hand away she dropped one of the books, and jumped back so it wouldn't land on her foot. Reflexes kicking in Steve caught the book before it could hit the ground.

"Nice catch" she said in awe, looking at Steve like he had just caught a knife before it could hit his face. That had already happened before and no one on the team had even bat an eye at what he considered an impressive move. It would have been nice if Karen had been there. At least someone would appreciate how badass he was. 

"This seems like a lot for one person to carry. Do you want any help?" he politely offered, and Karen looked like she wanted to accept but like Steve was obviously to polite.

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I can carry it, I don't want you to waste your day"

"I have no plans for the day. You would actually give me something to do" his phone buzzed in his pocket, but he continued to ignore it. Fuck you H.Y.D.R.A. Karen eyed him like she was trying to determine if he was telling the truth or not, but finally nodded her head. 

"Alright. I'll apologize in advance, we've got about ten minutes of walking" she handed him half of the pile, and he nodded. Ten minutes was nothing for a super soldier. 

"That's fine. So are you a lawyer or something?"

"Law firm office manager. Just started last week, and I really don't know what I'm doing. Thought I should learn" she shrugged and Steve wondered how she could have gotten the position if she had no experience.

She's probably going to ask what you do for a living. You're a chef at The Clifton, a chef not a superhero.

"What about you, what do you do for a living?"

"I'm a chef at The Clifton" he answered just like he rehearsed moments ago.

"Oh I've heard of that place. One of the nicer restaurants around these parts" 

"So how long have you lived in Hell's Kitchen?" he quickly changed the subject, wincing when he realized he might have changed it to fast. But if she kept up the talk about what The Clifton was like she'd know Steve was lying when he said he worked there, because he hadn't actually checked it out yet and couldn't answer any questions. He couldn't even tell you what colour the building was. She gave him an odd look but still answered his question. 

"Not very long. I'm from a small town in Vermont, but I wanted something bigger. What about you?" she seemed sad as she spoke about her past. Death in the family that caused her to leave? Or maybe she came from a bad home? God, Nat was rubbing off on him too much. 

"Whole life. Never had a good enough reason to leave" she laughed at his answer and he flushed a little, a reaction he always did when someone laughed at him even if it was in good fun. It wasn't that he was embarrassed or annoyed, it just reminded him of his past when he would get picked on a lot. But after he took a moment to realize it was all harmless Steve would join in on the fun. But his blush never went away. It's why Tony always targeted him claiming his red cheeks were adorable, and how Steve could have melted the ice himself if someone had mentioned sex with how red and warm he got. 

"Really? A place like this doesn't give you enough reason to leave?" she laughed again, and Steve forced out a chuckle. 

"I don't know where I'd go if I left" home. I'd go home to the tower. 

"But really you're teasing the guy who hasn't left but yet you moved here?" he joked and Karen laughed again. She had a really pretty laugh, one Steve guessed she didn't use enough. 

"You got me there. Oh look, we're here. That went by a lot faster than usual" she beamed at him, and Steve looked at the sign. 

Nelson and Murdock Attorneys at Law

"I think the boys might be here, but don't worry, they are harmless. But I have to tell you Matt, the one with the glasses, is blind. So don't offer him your hand" Karen told him and he nodded following her up the stairs. 

"We haven't eaten since breakfast. It's almost dinner time, I'm hungry" he heard a voice whine from somewhere above him.

"Hi hungry, I'm Matt" a different voice mocked and Karen rolled her eyes.

"Boys" she muttered, but he could tell she was just as amused.

"Oh wow that was so funny. We should give up the law firm and go do stand up. We'll make a killing" they approached a door and Karen knocked once before entering. Two men sat across from each other. The one had long dirty blonde hair, and the other had short dark brown hair and glasses. So that one was Matt, and the other was 'Hungry'. 

"Karen thank god you're back. Could you cook us something, this asshole won't move" Hungry whined, before noticing Steve.

"Who's the hunk of muscle?" he asked pointing at Steve. Karen swat at his finger after putting her stuff down on the table, so Steve did the same. Hungry let out an exaggerated yelp. 

"Don't point it's rude. But this is Carter Bishop. He helped me carry my stuff" Steve held out his hand for Hungry to shake.

"It's nice to meet you Hungry" he teased and Hungry's jaw dropped.

"We could hear you in the hallway" Steve explained, wondering if he was being too forward with the teasing. Living with Tony meant you had to learn how to tease people or you'd be left out of most conversations. Stark only snarked, and no one snarked better then a Stark. 

"My name is Foggy Nelson, not hungry. But I do appreciate someone who can make a joke" the other one, Matt, slowly stood up with the help of his cane and held out his hand in Steve's direction.

"Matt Murdock. Anyone who teases Foggy is welcome here" Steve met his hand and shook it, narrowing his eyes as Matt seemed to squeeze his hand tighter than most do. Finally he let go and sat back down. Steve watched him carefully, noticing the way he sat back down perfectly. He supposes that Matt had only stood up so when he sat back down the chair would still be in the same spot, but there was something off about him. 

"Like Karen said, I'm Carter Bishop. It's nice to meet you both" he stood there wondering if he should leave or not, but Karen ushered him into a chair. 

"I'm going to cook these pigs something. Since you helped me, you're free to stay" he smiled appreciatively, not having a home cooked meal in what seems like forever. Even at the tower it was mostly take out, or small things like sandwiches and soup. 

"So how long have you been in the law business?" Steve started the conversation when he realized the other two wouldn't. 

"About a week now" Foggy answered sounding both proud and amazed that they had actually been open for business for a week. 

"It was a kind of a spur of the moment thing to get this place" Matt told him, shooting Foggy a smug grin.

"I told him we shouldn't get it, but this asshole wanted it" Foggy rolled his eyes.

"Have you guys had much business yet?" Steve asked, and the three other people in the room seemed to tense up. Clearly they've already dealt with a personal case. 

"We've had one case so far. Turned out rather well in the end. Now we wait for out next client" Matt answered, and Steve nodded.

"I'm glad it turned out well in the end. Justice should always prevail" Steve's phone buzzed again in his pants.

"Are you going to get that?" he looked at Matt in shock over the fact that he could hear it. He only chuckled like he knew what Steve was thinking.

"When I lost my vision, my other senses went up" 

"That's pretty cool" Steve knew what that was like. After the serum all of his senses had become more advanced.

"Weird, that's what it is. Like when I take a piss in the morning, can you hear me?" Steve laughed and took that moment to pull out his phone, deciding it was finally time to answer whoever was texting him.

_ From Shield traitor: Have fun on your tour. Don't do anything stupid. Just because I'm at work doesn't mean you can pull anything _

_ From Shield traitor: Was told you met a pretty blonde. You sure you want to risk anyone else getting involved in your fucked up life? _

_ From Shield traitor: Nelson and Murdock Attorneys at Law, huh? What a shame it would be if something were to happen to them _

_ To Shield traitor: I haven't told them anything. They think I'm Carter Bishop, and it will stay that way. You never said I couldn't make friends as Carter Bishop _

Of course H.Y.D.R.A was following him. He wondered who it had been and where they were located. He hadn't seen anyone suspicious looking. Re-pocketing his phone he tuned back into the conversation. 

"Oh my god, I've brought girls back to our apartment. Can you hear us having sex?" Foggy blurt out and Steve flushed red at the mention of the word sex. He really needed to get laid. That thought only made him flush more. Not the sex itself, but because there was only one person he could think of having sex with. Picturing Tony naked, trailing sweet kisses down his neck and stomach, opening him-

"Yes, I've heard you every time you cry during sex" Matt teased, bringing Steve out of his perverted thoughts, and Karen laughed from the make shift kitchen. 

"I do not cry during sex" Foggy exclaimed in a voice that was a little too high pitch. Turning to Steve he said "I don't" in a deeper voice. 

"Who am I to judge what someone does in the bedroom?" Steve held up his hands in mock surrender. As he sat in the middle of a playful conversation he couldn't help but imagine he was back at the tower, sitting in the common room about to watch a movie with his team.

"Foggy can talk as much crap as he wants about the bedroom. He never actually gets there" and when Steve looked at Matt, he didn't see Matt. His breathing hitched, because he saw Tony instead. The same mischievous smirk, the same colour hair, and he was sure Matt had playful eyes just like Tony behind his glasses. 

"I do to" Foggy pout, only it wasn't Foggy. It was Clint. Same childish pout, same colour hair, same attitude. His eyes drifted over to Karen where she was leaning against the counter smirking, only it wasn't her. Nat stared back at him. 

"You alright Carter?" not Nat asked noticing his wide eyed gaze.

"Hm?" he asked coming out of his gaze. "Oh sorry, just got a little lost in my head for a second" he apologized.

It was wrong of him to view these three as his teammates, but he couldn't help it. He shouldn't use them, but maybe the pain would be easier.

Maybe he couldn't have his family at the moment, but that didn't mean he couldn't have anyone. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love our three new characters, and yes they will play a major role in this story. Not only does Steve see his family in them, but they will also be important on getting Steve back to his family. Especially our resident Daredevil


	5. Team Bonding

"I apologize for how everything went down last time Mr. Bishop, and I can't say that it won't go down the same again, but it is important for you to learn to work together. Starting with something I like to call ``team bonding" the way Fury spoke as they walked down S.H.I.E.L.D's hallway made Steve smile discreetly. Most people would have tried to add a light, humorous tone when speaking about bonding and making friendships, but not Fury. He kept his voice deadpanned the entire time.

"I understand Director. With the...situation, it can't be easy" Steve carefully said situation, not sure how Fury would react to him bringing it up, but he was so curious to know. Who told the team? What did they think happened? Rumlow the sick bastard hadn't peeped a word. 

"It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy. However we can't stop focusing on what's important, like saving the world and protecting the people. It's what Steve would want, but every time I bring that up they all snap" They stopped walking so Fury could stare out the window, deep in thought. He wasn't staring at anything in particular, just gazing. But even though he was just staring with a blank face, that spoke to Steve more than it did if he was smiling. Fury never just stared, lost in thought. He was always focused and serious and ready to cut your throat.

"Steve is one of my regrets" Fury finally admits and Steve's heart shattered. Fury regretted him? Oh god, had he done something wrong? He knows that he argued and questioned Fury a lot but for him to regret Steve? He didn't mean to be so difficult. It was just hard with the change, and the stress, but he swears when he comes back as Steve he'll do better. 

"When we found him I should have been more focused on the fact that we had found Steve Roger's in the ice, not Captain America. Then he woke up and I had people lie to him, like that was supposed to be better, but he saw through it. Then we left him alone. Thought it would be better for him to try and experience things in the twenty first century at his own pace. I never even considered that he would need someone, that instead of getting better he could be getting worse. He was a superhero he was supposed to be able to handle things. And I had other things to focus on. I only approached him when I needed him again, and I put him in a battle, made him lead a team, and lied to him. Steve Rogers is my biggest regret" he had no words. There's only been a handful of situations where Steve was speechless which included when he couldn't talk because of his asthma. Sure Steve had been pretty lonely when he got defrosted, and he was mad at Fury for a number of things but did he place the blame solely on him? No, he put it on the situation. To know that Fury had felt like this, the entire time, hurt. Did he feel like this with other team members or S.H.I.E.L.D agents? When he was looking out for his team should he have also been looking out for Fury?

"I've confided in you because you're new and it feels good to rant sometimes, and I trust that this conversation will stay between us" Fury levelled him with a gaze that meant  _ 'tell anyone and die'  _ Steve nodded slowly as he spoke. Steve must be a masochist, it's the only reason he could think as to why he asked;

"How did the team find out about the Captain's death?" Fury ran a hand down his face, scratching his cheek.

"It was their traditional movie night. Steve was in Brooklyn, he had an apartment there that he liked to escape to. The apartment blew up, we're still looking into what happened. It's suspicious that there was no one else in the building. We found Steve's body burnt to a crisp under all the ruble. I went to tell the team myself. They all looked so excited when I walked through the door, they thought I was him. The way all their smiles dropped, I'll never get that out of my head" he wasn't sure what H.Y.D.R.A had done to make it seem like he had been in the building, but whatever it was it had worked. Should he really be surprised though? It was H.Y.D.R.A and it wasn't the craziest thing Steve had ever seen. A green rage machine, a literal god, a man with a light in his chest, and himself, a man frozen for seventy years. Oh yes, H.Y.D.R.A faking his death was  _ insanity,  _ how did they do it? 

"If my presence is going to make everything worse I can always just show up for missions. I don't have to try and befriend them, or make them like me"

"They may not like you, but they have to learn to trust you" Ha, trust him? What a funny joke, do you think everyone will laugh when they find out the truth? Or will they hate him even more for what he's done? 

"Pushing them too much to accept me might not be the way to go about that," he pointed out, really just trying to find a way out of seeing his friends. 

"If I don't push nothing will get done" and just like that Fury had won the argument. He was right, if he didn't push no one would do anything. They would never reach out to him for obvious reasons, and he would never reach out to them for obvious reasons. 

"So how do I go about team bonding?" he asked defeated, and Fury smirked victoriously when he realized he had won. 

"They are all back in the conference room. We figured we should keep you out of the tower for a bit longer. That place is...sacred. Just tell them about yourself, maybe they'll tell you about themselves. I'll stay in the room the entire time. I know better now than to just drop a man in a situation" Steve put his hand on Fury's shoulder without thinking about his action. He had just wanted to offer some comfort. Fury eyed his hand, before meeting his eyes, eyebrows raised. 

"Sorry, I'm a physical person" he blurted out as an excuse. Really, he's a physical person? That's the best he could come up with? Would Fury be expecting him to start hugging everyone? He'd have a better chance hugging a bear than he would any of his teammates at the moment. 

"I'm not, so remove your hand" Fury ordered, and Steve did like he had touched hot coals. 

"Sorry" he apologized sheepishly. "Shall we continue on" Steve gestured down the hallway and Fury nodded, leading the way and Steve had to remember he wasn't supposed to know these hallways. The walk to the conference room wasn't as long as Steve had hoped, and soon they were pushing through the doors. It was like how it was last time. Tony with a bottle of whisky, Bruce looking greener than normal, Thor sitting quietly, Clint glaring at the ceiling, and Nat looking at him with no emotion. He wondered what his role would be. If he was sitting in the chair instead of standing. Would he try and be the team leader still? Would he pick up a bad habit to consume himself? God he hoped he would never be in any of their positions. He wondered what was worse; their pain of 'losing' someone, or his pain from lying to them and watching them suffer? Neither sounded worse than the other.

"Good morning everyone" Fury never greeted them like that. He must have really been trying the whole 'be there for the team before it's too late' thing. Usually he walked into a room, and started speaking and you better shut your mouth and listen. Unless you were Tony. He was the exception. He was  _ always  _ the exception. 

"Let's get this over with," said man took a swig from his bottle, gulping down half of it in one go. How Steve wanted to grab that bottle, smash it against the ground, and pull Tony into his arms, holding him tight, scared he'd lose him again. Steve walked around the table and went to sit down beside Tony when practically everyone screamed "NO" and Steve knocked the chair over in his hurry to get up. 

"Not there, you don't get to sit there" Tony said wide eyed, looking crazed as he spoke. It took Steve a moment to realize his mistake. He had been about to sit in his chair. He couldn't do that. He wasn't Steve right now. Quietly he picked up the chair and set it back into place. 

"I'm sorry" he whispered sitting down somewhere else, beside Thor instead. The apology had double meaning, but of course only he knew. Thor tried to offer him a smile but it fell flat. Still, he appreciated the gesture. Fury cleared his throat to get everyone's attention.

"You don't have to be friends with the new guy. But you have to get comfortable enough to trust him on missions" his voice held no room for nonsense or back talk, and strangely no one did. However, no one spoke either so Fury's plan might have fallen through. As team leader, Steve felt it was his job to step in and take charge just like old times.

"You guys don't have to tell me anything. You can just ask me questions" still no one spoke. His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he wondered if Rumlow was somehow monitoring him right now.

"What are your powers?" Clint finally asked, also looking at him for the first time, looking utterly bored.

"I'm stronger than the average person, and I've got good combat skills. I don't have superpowers like other heroes"

"Where are you from?" that one was from Bruce, who was leaving finger dents in the table.

"Hell's Kitchen, so not too far from here. I just happened to be in Manhattan at the right time" he shrugged, like it was no big deal what he had done. 

"Why'd you become a hero?" Nat, asking the tough questions.

"I don't know if you guys know what Hell's Kitchen is like, but it's not a good place. When I discovered I had unusual strength I decided to put it to good use" it scared him, how easy it was for him to answer these questions, like he had accepted that he was Carter Bishop. 

_ 'No',  _ he thought,  _ 'I'm Steve Rogers and I will always be Steve Rogers'  _ H.Y.D.R.A would not win. He didn't care how long it took, he would take them down and fix everything. 

"I've got a question" Tony raised his hand as he spoke, taking another chug from the bottle. Everyone eyed him warily, waiting for the blow up they knew was coming. "Do you plan on trying to boss us around? Do you plan on nagging me, trying to get me to take care of myself?"

"Stark" Fury warned, but Tony kept pressing on.

"Do you plan on being a self sacrificial asshole who would die for his team?" Tony was standing now and staggering over to Steve, giving lots of time to study him. His hair had grown in more grey streaks, a sign that Tony wasn't paying attention to his appearance because he would rather go to church than go out in public with grey patches. His eyes were dull and lifeless and the bags under them added to the dead look along with his skin that was paler than normal. He looked like he had lost weight, with Steve not being around no one was there to force Tony to sleep, eat, or shower. But underneath it all, he was still Tony. And to Steve, Tony was always beautiful. It's why he took up most of the pages of his sketches, because he was the most inspiring thing to draw. 

"Let me ask you one more question" Tony gripped the front of his suit now, clenching it between his fingers. "Do you plan on making me care for you, and then leaving once I get used to having you around?" and the answer to that was yes. Because the second he didn't have to be Carter anymore, he wouldn't be. His eyes drifted down to the arc reactor, knowing what was currently residing inside. As soon as he figured out how to stop it, he was done being Carter. Only problem was he was one man, who couldn't figure out a microwave let alone nanotechnology currently residing in the arc reactor, Clint, and Natasha. He was pretty sure Bruce and Thor didn't have the nano bites because the nano bites couldn't get past the Hulks skin and Thor's lightning short circuited them all. But the humans on the team were in danger. All Pierce had to do was flip the switch if Steve messed anything up and the nanotechnology would activate and kill them. It would short circuit the arc reactor, and stop Nat and Clint's hearts. 

"I'll be here for as long as I'm needed" he answered honestly, starring in Tony's eyes. Tony stared back, searching for something. They were almost nose to nose, and Steve had imagined this scenario many times. Except in his fantasies this usually ended up with a kiss, professing their love for one another, and then living happily ever after. But that was fantasy. This was reality. And he couldn't act out what he wanted to. Tony would only be his in his mind.

Whatever Tony had been looking for, he must have found it, because he let go of Steve.

"We aren't friends. You don't get a room at the tower. You call me Stark. And you do not get to order me around" Steve nodded, and Tony walked back to his seat, finishing the bottle as he went.

"What Tony says goes for all of us," Clint added on, the team nodding in agreement. Steve nodded. That was more than he had been expecting, but he could work with it. It would be hard referring to his friends by their last names even off the battlefield but he could do it. 

"That's ok. You'll only see me for missions, and even then we barely have to talk. I just need to know you'll have my backs" he looked at all of them, because he really did not feel like dying in battle for real because they wouldn't protect him. The pain they would have to re go through when they realized he hadn't actually been dead, but now he was. 

"I think I speak for them when I say they'll have your back. Welcome to the team Nomad"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, now we know what happened to make Steve fake his death


	6. Drowning in Red

"Hawkeye, you're clear"

"Black Widow, control room secure'

"Iron Man, I've got nothing" the comms buzzed to life in his ear. It was his first mission with the team, an intel mission regarding his own death and who was responsible. They weren't looking in the right places, not even close. They were at an old H.Y.D.R.A base that Steve knew was a decoy. If only he could give them some hint, a nudge in the right direction. 

"Nomad, there's no one here" he said over his comm, and not surprisingly no one commented. They still weren't on speaking levels, and it didn't help that he slipped up sometimes and let his captain's voice come out. That had earned him some scoldings and not friendly words directed at him when he had tried to take charge. 

"Perhaps we should get back. We are no closer to finding justice in this place" Thor advised, and Steve was thankful he remembered to turn the comm volume down. Thor still hadn't grasped the fact that even though he wasn't near anyone he didn't have to shout because it was like they were beside each other when they spoke. 

"There's got to be something" Tony hissed, the sound of his suit frantically speeding up as he flew around outside filled Steve's ears. 

"Tony, there's nothing here. Why waste time here when we could be home, looking for a new lead" Clint pointed out, voice holding no emotion. The comms were silent, and Steve almost thought he had lost a connection before he heard Tony's faint, "see you at the tower". While he didn't say it, it was obvious Steve was not included in that. He would be dropped off at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, where he would go back to his apartment, not the one in Hell's Kitchen. He had received a text from Rumlow earlier that they needed him for something. 

He'd rather eat a pile of broken glass.

Thor and Tony took off back to the tower, leaving Steve, Tony, and Nat to the Quinjet. Bruce had stayed back at the tower, knowing the Hulk wasn't needed. The Hulk hadn't been out since Steve's 'death', and it was something everyone was putting off for as long as possible. Bruce had been getting better at controlling him, but with the recent events Hulk was sure to do a lot of damage. Who knew if he would calm down? Steve may have to reveal himself just to get Bruce back in control. 

Nat and Clint took the piloting seats leaving Steve alone in the back. He took the time to check his phone.

_ From Shield traitor: Text me when your mission is done _

_ To Shield traitor: Heading home now _

Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He hadn't seen any H.Y.D.R.A agents for a few days, but it seemed his limited freedom was coming to an end. It took only a moment for Rumlow to text him back. He wondered what Rumlow must actually do all day, if he was able to text Steve back so quickly. Surely someone must get suspicious. Then again, how many agents were actually S.H.I.E.L.D?

_ From Shield traitor: See you in a bit, Captain H.Y.D.R.A. We've got a surprise for you ;) _

From Tony's detailed book on the 21st century, he knew that a semicolon and a bracket like that was supposed to be a winking face. Tony usually used them when he made a sly and slightly inappropriate joke at Steve, that got him all hot and bothered. He had to refrain from tracking him down and kissing the life out of him. He hoped Brock wasn't using the winky face in a sexual way. He'd break all of his fingers so that he could never text again. 

After he finished vomiting.

The Quinjet finally landed back at S.H.I.E.l.D and without a word Clint and Nat brushed past him, not even glancing in his direction. He considered it progress. Normally they'd glare at him until he felt like he couldn't breath.

"Mr. Bishop, I've been instructed to take you back to your place" Rollins greeted him quietly, like the perfect S.H.I.E.l.D agent he was supposed to be. Nat quirked an eyebrow at him, eyes calculating but made no comment. 

"Of course. S.H.I.E.l.D wouldn't be the top agency if they trusted everyone so freely" he put on a polite smile, but Rollins understood the bite in his voice. He turned and led Steve to a black SUV, ushering him into the back sliding in behind him. Steve looked into the front seat to see who was driving. It was an agent he didn't recognize, but that now marked four agents of S.H.I.E.L.D who were H.Y.D.R.A. The list just kept getting longer.

Rollins wasn't like Rumlow. Where Rumlow would taunt Steve, and cause Steve's blood to boil, Rollins was the opposite. He didn't want to talk to Rogers, preferring to ignore him. It made the car ride a bit better. 

They pulled into the parking lot too quickly. He didn't want to think about what Rumlow would define as a surprise. Rollins ushered him inside, the driver remaining in the car but Steve could see the way his hand twitched over his gun. Who was he planning on shooting?

"Welcome home" Rumlow greeted, sitting on the sofa, legs on the coffee table like he owned the place. There was a man standing in the corner of the room, dressed in tactical gear. His face was covered by a mask, and his eyes with goggles that reminded Steve of a bug. His hair went down to his shoulders and was brown, and looked greasy. But his most noticeable feature was his arm; it was made of metal. 

"Thrilled to be here" Steve snapped, ripping off his own mask, getting rid of Carter Bishop for the night. He was glad he was hearing his own voice. The man in the corner seemed to stiffen up even more, if that was possible. Steve paid him no mind.

"How was the mission? Did the Avengers learn anything on your death?" he asked in mock sympathy, and Steve bit his tongue to stop a retort. 

"They'll figure it out eventually. You're forgetting who's on my team; a spy, an assassin, a god, a genius with 7 phd's, and a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, led by a deadly pirate. And they are all very pissed off right now" Rumlow curled his lips almost like a smirk and looked at Rollins like he couldn't believe Steve's sass, and Steve wanted to punch him to finally get real emotions from him. Rumlow stood from his spot and slowly walked over to him, getting in his face. 

"Then why haven't they figured it out yet?" he whispered, trying to rile him up. If Steve continued to bite his tongue, he'd bite it off. 

"You said you had a surprise for me" he changed the subject, keeping his gaze and tone level with Rumlow. Rumlow motioned his hand over to the guy in the corner. Steve arched an eyebrow.

"A H.Y.D.R.A agent is my surprise? Rumlow, you shouldn't have" 

"Pierce is sad he hasn't been able to see you in person yet since the whole incident started. He hopes this present makes up for it. Soldier, take off your mask" Steve looked over at the soldier, not expecting much.

How wrong he was.

It was like he was back in the ice. Frozen. Numb. Unable to breath. Like his heart was being painfully extracted from his body.

"Bucky" he gasped, taking in the features of his dead best friend. No, his alive best friend? Was this is a trick? It had to be, Bucky was dead.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" the thing asked him, and oh god he even had Bucky's voice. It was deeper and his Brooklyn accent was gone, but it was his voice.

"Does this make up for all the pain we've caused you Captain? After Bucky, is that what you called him? Well after he fell off that train, H.Y.D.R.A got him, conditioning him into the perfect soldier. The Winter Soldier to be exact" Rumlow grinned showing off all his teeth, looking like he was ready to bite. He wasn't sure if it was really Bucky, but he wasn't taking the chance it wasn't. In a fit of rage Steve forgot about everything. He forgot that the lives of three of his teammates were in his hand. He punched Rumlow so hard he swore he heard something snap. Good, maybe his jaw was broken. Rollins reached into his pocket to pull something out, but Rumlow held up a hand stopping him.

"Look at that, the Captain's still got some fight in him" he spit out some blood. "Soldier, slit your wrist" Bucky, pulled out a knife and brought it down to his wrist. If Steve had been paying attention, he would have noticed the slight panic in his eyes, the almost human reaction. But Steve wasn't looking at that. He was looking at the knife that was getting closer to his wrist. He'd have to watch Bucky die all over again, this time in his arms. 

"No, wait stop!" Rumlow held up a hand, and Bucky halted. Steve was shaking so hard it felt like he was vibrating. He was suffocating. 

"Here's the thing Rogers. I told you not to fuck with me, and you fucked with me. I think we've been pretty nice to you. We haven't hurt any of the avengers when we so easily can, we let you continue your job, we house you for free, and now we've given you your best friend back. And you still punch me in the face! This can't be left unpunished. Someone has to die" Rumlow nodded at Rollins who took out his phone and sent out a text message.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" Steve could feel himself start to hyperventilate. He dropped down to his knees, not being able to stand any longer. Someone was going to die. Someone was going to fucking die, because of him. Bucky, Nat, Clint, Tony oh god Tony! 

"Look at this. The great Captain America, Steve Rogers driven to his knees. Pathetic" Rumlow kicked him the chest, hard. Bucky tensed, eyes drifting over too Rumlow like he wanted to say something but couldn't. 

"Please, please, please" Steve begged gasping for air, tears rolling down his cheeks and dripping onto his pants. Rumlow crouched in front of him, gripping his hair and forcing him to make eye contact. 

"This is your purpose. You wondered why we chose you to take? To fake his own death? It was for this moment. You have been a pain in H.Y.D.R.A's ass for over seventy years. We could take the serum from you. We could force you into submission like we did with dear old Bucky over there. But this, this is so much better. To see you broken, down on your knees exactly where you belong. Soon, you'll be too broken to do anything. And when you think you've reached rock bottom, that's when we'll strike. First we'll kill the red headed slut. Then her hawk ass partner. We’ll figure out a way to kill the green rage machine, and the Asgardian princess. And you can bet we’ll make it painful. Then I'm going to order Bucky to stand in front of you and slit his throat, and his blood will spray all over you. After that we'll kill those three law people who helped you. The price of being nice is deadly. Finally, I'm going to kidnap Stark, and turn on the nano bites every once in a while. I'll keep you both chained in front of one another, and you'll watch him suffer until finally his heart gives out. And even though it seems like that's the end, that that's the bottom, it's not. Then we will take the serum, and we'll make a new Captain, working solely for H.Y.D.R.A. And you will spend the rest of your days in a cell, to weak to escape and with nothing to kill yourself with. And when that moment comes, H.Y.D.R.A will have truly won" Rumlow finished by spitting on Steve, treating him like gum on the bottom of his shoe. Steve stopped breathing for a moment. He was in shock, he couldn't, he couldn't.

He made eye contact with Bucky, who looked almost worried. Slowly, without anyone else noticing Bucky nodded his head once. It could have meant many things, but Steve took it as an 'it's going to be alright punk'. He wished Bucky would say that, he needed him. 

"But until that moment comes", Rumlow continued to talk, "we're going to treat this like a game. See if you can beat us Rogers. Hold on to that string of hope. Save your best friend, save your family, save your boyfriend. Because when we decide we're done playing, everyone dies" Rollins made a noise, and Rumlow grinned holding out his hand. Rollins phone was given to him, and Rumlow looked at the screen, whistling. 

"She's very pretty. Some people say seeing all that blood grosses them out, but I think it enhances her beauty. To be drowning in red" Rumlow breathed out like he was turned on as he eyed the photo. 

"The three of us are going to leave now. If you can behave for a week like the good little boy you are, we'll set up a playdate for you and Bucky. You'd like that wouldn't you? I suggest you make your way to Hell's Kitchen. We don't want S.H.I.E.L.D to suspect anything. We don't want anyone else to end up like her" he flipped the phone over to show Steve, and although he didn't want to look he had to. He had to know who was dead because of his screw up. 

The pretty blonde waitress he talked to after the Chitauri Invasion was dead with her brains blown out. Drowning in red.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I found a way to include Bucky in this story. Poor Steve, he's really going through some shit. I wish I could say it gets happier from here, but...


	7. A bit of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to let everyone know, this story doesn't follow a specific timeline. For example, the Daredevil timeline isn't followed like it is in the show.

Steve wasn't sure how long he stayed collapsed on the floor, shaking and crying, the photo engraved in his mind. At some point he had puked on his jeans, and it was slowly starting to dry. It was all his fault, he screwed up. God, why did he keep messing everything up? He was screwing up everyone's lives. Bucky falling off the train and turning into this Winter Soldier creature, the waitress, everyone connected to the Avengers. People get close to him and they end up in pain. Or now, dead.

She didn't deserve it, she didn't deserve to be killed. She was nice, and sweet, and everything good. She gave him an extra cookie every time he sat down at his usual table. He always insisted he pay for it, but she always refused saying without him she would be dead. 

And now she was, because of him.

If he didn't have a chance of saving everyone he didn't want to live. If anything else happens, if he can't protect his family, he's done. Like hell is H.Y.D.R.A going to torture him by keeping him alive. There’s only two ways for this to end; with him reuniting with everyone, or putting a bullet in his mouth. 

How was Bucky even alive? He watched him fall, he still had nightmares about the event. There were still some days where all that he could think about was watching his best friend fall into the icy mountain underneath him. On those days he preferred to be alone, curled up in a ball under his blankets. Or, he'd go down into the lab and just lay on the couch as Tony tinkered around. He never asked what the issue was, and Steve never told, but he was a genius, he probably knew. The two of them would just sit in silence, but that was comfort enough. Just to know that if Steve had started to speak Tony was there to answer. 

He needed Tony, he had never needed Tony more than he did in this moment. 

But, he needed to keep Tony safe. And to do that he couldn't have him.

Slowly he stood up off the ground, using the table to pull himself up. As soon as he stood he collapsed back down to the floor, like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time. 

"I can't do anything right" he whispered, the tears hitting full force again. He would go to his other apartment. After he cried for a bit longer. 

He was sitting on the roof of his apartment in Hell's Kitchen, smoking a cigarette with his legs dangling over the ledge. He hadn't ever smoked himself, first because of the asthma, then because he was too busy fighting Nazi's, and after he woke up he learned smoking was bad, and it would look bad if Captain America smoked. But Bucky had smoked, and it was silly, but this was giving him a connection to his friend. That, and the fact it was relaxing.

He had rotated between crying and passing out from exhaustion for three hours before he had gone to Hell's Kitchen. He had received strange looks from people as he jogged by, but he didn't care. They don't know the shit he's been going through.

"Don't turn around" he was so out of it he didn't hear anyone sneaking up on him. He almost fell off the roof when he jumped, but he managed to catch himself before that happened. He didn't recognize the voice, perhaps it was another H.Y.D.R.A agent? His fist clenched, ready to start throwing punches if he had to. 

"Who are you?" he stubbed out his cigarette and tossed it over the edge, not caring that it could possibly hit someone. He needed both hands if he was going to get out of a possible situation.

"Do a quick rotation, like you're stretching your middle" he did just that, and to his surprise he saw someone he had only ever seen in S.H.I.E.L.D's files; the devil of Hell's Kitchen. He was hidden by the shadow provided by the chimney, and only from a close distance would you be able to tell someone else was there. 

"I've heard a lot about you" he turned back around, observing the city. From up here it seemed so peaceful. As nice as it was to talk to someone that didn't hate him, he really wasn't in the mood for company, he wanted to be alone. He wished he could get drunk still. Perhaps if he drank the entire liquor store he would feel something. 

"I've heard a lot about you,  _ Steve Rogers _ " _ _

What the hell? His mind went blank at that, unsure of how to respond. Was this a set up, was H.Y.D.R.A already planning on making him screw up?

"I-I beg your pardon?" he asked, cursing his stuttering. This wasn't possible, how had someone he had never spoken with before managed to figure out the truth?

"Keep looking forward, pretend I'm not here. Lean back a little so only your legs are visible. I don't think we are being watched, but better to be safe than sorry" he found himself listening to Daredevil, as strange as everything was. 

"I, I don't. I don't know what-" he stammered, trying to deny being who he was. 

"Steve Rogers supposedly died over six weeks ago. What's it been now, eight or nine weeks? Then Nomad shows up randomly, and is suddenly fighting with the Avengers? Nomad claims to live in Hell's Kitchen, which is where he got his start but I've never heard of you or ever ran into you, and I deal with almost all the crime that goes on here. Around that time a Carter Bishop moves to Hell's Kitchen, after appearing randomly. He claims to be new, but when I had a background check on you done it said that you lived in Hell's Kitchen all your life. I heard about the fight that got you on S.H.I.E.L.D's radar; you possessed unusual strength. Almost, superhuman. I just find it strange; a hero dies from an explosion, after all that he's been through, an explosion is what kills him? There was no one else in the building, not even a pet. Then Nomad shows up, out of nowhere, and has no superpowers except for superhuman strength, and claims he is from Hell's Kitchen and works at The Clifton. And for some reason, he's never been spotted before" he could cry. Finally, finally someone had pieced it together!

"I guess Daredevil isn't stupid" he laughed, because what else could he do? It felt so good to finally get his secret out. He wasn't in this alone anymore. 

"No, he's not. I don't know all the details, like why you faked your death. Care to explain it to me?" and he did. He really did want to explain it, all of it until nothing is a secret anymore. Suddenly, he was reminded of something that Daredevil had said during his talk.

"You said Carter Bishop claimed to be new, but when you looked me up I was always from here. How did you know that I said I was a new resident here?" 

"I want you to know that I've never done this before. However, since I'm confident you are Steve Rogers, I think I can make this an exception. Do another stretch, the other side" and when he turned around again, he felt himself left speechless for the millionth time today. Daredevil was Matt Murdock. In this moment he should have said something like 'wow, you had me fooled' or 'this is a surprise'. No, instead he said;

"But you're blind!" he was an idiot. He heard Matt huff behind him.

"Really? The man who had every medical issue known to man and still tried to get into the army is surprised that a blind man would want to fight crime?" it did sound a little silly when it was put like that.

"Sorry, you just took me by surprise" 

"So I take it you are Steve Rogers? Leave the Bishop mask on, you never know who's watching" and wow, he hadn't realized he was still wearing his mask. He was really out of it.

"Ya, it's me" it felt like a huge weight off his shoulders, like he could properly breath for the first time in a while. "When we met, you squeezed my hand. Did you know something was up?"

"You're heart beat was off, a sign you were lying. Like I said, when I lost my vision all my other senses heightened" Matt explained Steve's unasked question. 

"I see. At least something good came out of you losing your vision. You get to kick peoples ass everyday" Matt laughed.

"It seems death has changed you. The Steve Rogers I heard about couldn't swear without stuttering" 

"That Steve was too innocent. This Steve doesn't care" he shrugged, playing with a piece of cement that was slowly starting to chip.

"Do I get to hear the story?" and yes, Matt did.

"The team and I were on a mission. We were infiltrating a building where it was suspected that they were dipping into illegal business. It was supposed to be simple. What we failed to realize was it was actually a H.Y.D.R.A base, and they had planned everything from the start. They slipped nanotechnology into Nat, Clint, and Tony. When we got back Rumlow, he's a bastard, said I was needed for something else. Told me I was being asked to join S.T.R.I.K.E for something. He took me to a warehouse" Steve stopped talking, needing to take a moment as it became almost too much to talk about. What he saw, the pictures. God. But he couldn't stop now, he had to get this out, "He took me to a warehouse. There were pictures lined along the walls. Pictures of people they had killed, tortured, left in pieces. I didn't understand what was happening, I thought this was the mission. But then Rumlow started to speak, he explained that I was trapped. He pointed at the wall and I saw H.Y.D.R.A's symbol. I was so confused, but then Alexander Pierce came walking out. I hadn't met him yet, but he was a high, high ranking S.H.I.E.L.D member. He had a laptop in his hand, and pulled up these live feed videos. It was of the three with the nanotechnology. He showed me the bots, and what would happen if I didn't do exactly as they said. He flipped the switch on Tony. One minute he's sitting in his office, the next he can't breath. The one time he actually goes to his office, and he suffers a mild heart attack" Steve laughed, but it was empty. He would never bother Tony again about his work if he got back to him. "Tony believed it had something to do with the arc reactor malfunctioning, but only I knew the truth. So I faked my death. But that wasn't good enough. They created a whole new identity for me, and told me I would be working for the Avengers. I didn't know what they wanted me to do, but it was awful. The team hates me. I'm so close to them and I can't even tell them the truth. Today, has been the worst day so far. I found out that my best friend, who I thought died in the army after falling off a train, is actually alive and has been brainwashed by H.Y.D.R.A. In a fit of rage I punched Rumlow. He had someone I knew killed, all because of my mistake. Said he planned on torturing me slowly, hurting people I love. And now, we're sitting here" Steve explained, his eyes welling up with tears again. How many times could a person cry in one day before it wasn't physically possible anymore? 

"Wow" was all Matt offered, and Steve chuckled sadly.

"Shitty, I know" then he remembered something else, and he was sitting up fast, almost whirling around. "They threatened to kill you, Foggy, and Karen because you guys talked to me. You have to be careful, you have to keep them safe" 

"They'll be fine. I promise, H.Y.D.R.A isn't going to touch them. You focus on the Avengers, and I'll focus on them" Matt promised, and Steve nodded. 

"Do they know?" 

"No, and I would like to keep it that way for now. I had Karen look you up, so both Foggy and her know that Carter Bishop is a liar. They don't know about the Steve Rogers thing" 

"So what do I do?" Steve asked, although he wasn't expecting an answer. He had been thinking about it for weeks, he so far he had come up with nothing. Matt hmed, deep in thought. 

"I have a basic idea. We'll have to find a way to expand on it, but at least we'll have a general idea" did those words really just come out of his mouth? Did Matt really have an idea on how to fix this nightmare?

"What's your idea?" he felt giddy, like he did when he was younger and Bucky was going to tell him a secret. 

"The plan only works if you can somehow get Bucky on our side. Do you think you can get his help?" and just like that, Steve's hope deflated. Bucky was dead. All that was left was the Winter Soldier. If there was any part of Bucky left he would have reacted even a little bit to Steve's tears.

"He's been through so much, I don't think he remembers anything. I mean I was crying right in front of him, and he just-" he stopped as he thought. Bucky had reacted. It was small and so insignificant at the time, but now it was a game changer. He had nodded. He had tried to reassure him that everything would be ok. 

"He nodded. When I was begging Rumlow to stop, he nodded at me. It was small and meaningless at the time but-"

"-But it was like Bucky was there and trying to comfort you" Matt finished for him and he nodded excitedly.

"I think I can get Bucky back. It'll be tough with the H.Y.D.R.A agents around but I think I can do it"

"Great. We need him because he's the only one who would know how to shut off the nanotechnology. They've probably discussed things around him, if we can get him on our side he could relay that information to us. Until we can get that information we can't do much else. You're going to continue playing your role as H.Y.D.R.A's toy. We can't let them know we've got something in the works" 

"I feel like an idiot. I've had ten weeks to come up with a plan, you've had fifteen minutes" Steve smiled, not that Matt could see it.

"I just happened to pick a good day to get involved" 

"So what are you going to do?" he kept saying we, but he hadn't included himself into the plan.

"For one I'll be the person you can talk to when you need someone. My role won't really come into play until it's time to kick H.Y.D.R.A ass. You'll need support when it all goes down, and I'll be there. I can also gather information on H.Y.D.R.A myself; with my lawyer status it won't be hard to get the information I need. Maybe I can find something that can help us" Matt was so brave, and so kind to help him. Hell's Kitchen was lucky to have him.

"That's amazing Matt, but I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Too many people have already gotten hurt, and I'm afraid that this is only the beginning" really though, Steve was being selfish, and mentally begging Matt to help him. 

"Hey, I may be blind but I know how to fight. Don't worry about me. So if you get Bucky on your side, that's three of us. Seems kind of low" 

"Isn't low numbers good for stealth?"

"Usually. But this is H.Y.D.R.A, it's better to have a strong number. I think we could do with at least one more person. I haven't met him yet, but I've seen his case file. If we get him on our side, H.Y.D.R.A doesn't stand a chance" Matt spoke, but it was uneasy. 

"I'm sensing a problem with this man"

"He's kind of in custody right now...because he killed some people…and he wants to kill more people...ya" Matt explained, and Steve mouthed the word 'wow'. Normally Steve would say absolutely no way, that he couldn't have a murderer as a teammate, but this seemed to be necessary. 

"Tell me about him"

"His name is Frank Castle. Calls himself The Punisher. He served with the marines. Something happened over there, and when he came back his family was killed right in front of him. So he started to kill people involved with their murders. Eventually he got caught, and now he's waiting for someone to take his case. No one will though because they know it's a losing case. Best case scenario he avoids jail time and goes to a psych ward. If you think he's worth it, I can break him out. But just know, if he helps us, H.Y.D.R.A agents won't be left alive" Matt explained, leaving the final decision up to Steve. It didn't even take Steve ten seconds to come up with an answer.

"If you can get him out without getting caught yourself, do it. This rooftop can be our meeting place, it's better we don't text. H.Y.D.R.A may be able to read my text messages. Also, you should tell Foggy and Karen about my identity. If you can somehow spin it without revealing your identity, do it. It's better they know and are prepared for something than to have them blindsided" Both Steve and Matt heard the person climbing the stairs before they appeared. When Steve turned behind him, Matt was already gone. The door opened and Cathy stood there, evil smirk in place. 

"Been out here a while,  _ Captain.  _ You plan on coming in anytime soon?"

"Ya, it's been a long day," Steve stood, stretching out before shoving past Cathy, revelling in the way she hissed in pain. His momma always told him to never hurt a woman, but he imagines she's looking down at him from heaven laughing. 

And really, it had been a long day, and his bed sounded comforting. In one day he had seen his family, realized Bucky was alive, punched Rumlow, got a waitress killed, meet Daredevil who turned out to be Matt Murdock, and had a plan for stopping H.Y.D.R.A. 

Ya, he needed to sleep. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm including the Punisher, because I love Frank Castle. Imagine how badass Frank and Bucky would be together. Should I add anyone else to this little H.Y.D.R.A take down team? I was thinking maybe Deadpool, but idk what do you guys think?


	8. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow guys I'm so sorry for the wait. Thanks to everyone who commented asking when the next chapter was going to be, it really helped motivate me to get it done. 
> 
> So a few people have commented on Frank Castle being in the story. I know it seems weird to have him in it, but I do have a plan with him, he wasn't just a random decision. Basically, because of what H.Y.D.R.A is doing Steve obviously wants revenge. He thinks he wants to be violent and resort to killing them all, but when he sees Frank Castle in action that is going to make him question and decide who he really is, and what his beliefs and values are.

It shouldn't have surprised him that the way he would slowly get close to the Avengers would be after a mission. It's how they all bonded the first time, after Loki's attack and Tony flying into space. Tony hadn't been joking when he said they should all get shawarma and demanded they go there. 

_"I made the big sacrifice, I get to decide what we do afterwards__" _and then he dragged them all out, where they actually got to know each other, and Steve was able to apologize for what he had said when he was under the sceptres influence.

_"I didn't mean it, but I am really sorry. I said you weren't the guy to make the sacrifice, and yet you were the one who saved an entire city by sacrificing yourself" _Tony had just rolled his eyes, but it wasn't in annoyance. 

_"Geez Cap, we were under the influence of the sceptre, and yet you still feel guilty for what you said. I guess what they say about you is true; you have the biggest heart known to man. For the record though, I am sorry too. The serum made you stronger and healthier, seriously I saw your medical file how did you even survive, but it didn't change your strong will and never give up attitude, ready to die to protect people. That was already there" _and that was that. 

So really, it wasn't that big of a shock that this would be the way closer to his teammates. It had been a week after he spoke to Matt, and everyday he had walked with a pep in his step, and a smile hidden underneath his stoic face when he was around H.Y.D.R.A. Of course he mentally yelled at himself; a week ago an innocent lady was killed, but he couldn't help it. It was sick and wrong of him, but he was so excited to finally have some form of hope. 

Fury had assigned them on another mission that he thought would lead them closer to Steve's death. It seemed to be the only missions the team had been accepting lately, and Steve had to go along with their plans, with his mouth shut. It should have been a simple in and out mission. Obviously the base they were checking out wasn't involved with his death, it wasn't even a H.Y.D.R.A base. 

At least, he hadn't thought it was. 

"Widow, Hawkeye, Replacement you guys head inside. Thor and I will watch the outside and the air. Bruce, be ready to Hulk out if we need you to" Tony ordered, taking flight before anyone could agree or disagree. Thor quickly followed, flying in the opposite direction of Tony. 

"I could have stayed home and caught up on some research" Bruce grumbled, taking a seat on a rock, crossing his arms like a child who had been placed in timeout. Of course by research he meant trying to dig up more dirt on what happened that day at the apartment. As much as Bruce didn't like turning into the hulk, he liked being useless even less. 

"We'll keep you posted" Steve smiled at Bruce. The man squinted his eyes, like he couldn't understand why Steve was talking to him, but slowly he nodded his head. 

"Thanks" it was a step in the right direction. His eyes had even started slowly fading from the green they had been for the past couple of weeks back to their natural brown. Steve tightened his gloves and followed after Nat and Clint, who were already halfway to the door. Inside there were three ways to go; left, right, and straight. 

"I'll go right, Clint you go left, Nomad you go straight" Nat ordered, and like Tony took off before anyone could agree or disagree. Clint shrugged at him, before going down his assigned hallway. Steve waited for them to be gone, before he went down his own hallway, not trying to be stealthy. The base was clearly abandoned, there was no hydro and the dust that had settled on the ground hadn't been disturbed in a long time. 

"This is Nomad, I don't see anything" he said into his comm, still walking down his hallway. 

"Keep looking" Tony barked back at him, and Steve sighed. 

"Nomad is right, I see nothing from up here" Thor jumped to his defence. Out of everyone Thor had seemed to warm up to him the fastest. Perhaps it was because he had seen soldiers fallen in battle countless times from the Asgardian wars, that he was used to brothers in arms dying. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out. He had learned fairly quickly that when it buzzed he was meant to take it out. Plus, it was good for them to think he had become a meek shell of himself, instead of secretly plotting. 

_From Shield traitor: I think you should check out the door at the end of your hallway. Let our game begin_

Steve's eyes widened as he read the text. This was a H.Y.D.R.A base, and his team had just walked into their trap. He couldn't tell them to leave without blowing his cover, but he also couldn't allow them to walk into their deaths. Hurriedly he walked into the room at the end of his hallway. It looked like a normal room, except for the old computers and desk covered in filth. Seriously, H.Y.D.R.A did not know how to clean.

His phone buzzed again.

_From Shield traitor: What's that in the corner?_

There had to be cameras set up in this base. Too small to be noticeable, but with enough power to record everything. However, he couldn't concern himself with looking around for them. He went into the corner of the room where there was a blanket overtop of something. It was old and ripped, something he would have seen in his or Bucky's home growing up. Anything could be under it, he had to be careful. Slowly, he lifted the blanket, careful to lift it straight up into the air. 

A bomb. 

There was a bomb under the blanket, with the number _10_ on it, not moving. 

"There's nothing down my hallway. Nat?" Clint asked in his comm, but he paid it little attention. There was a bomb, with who knew how much power. It could be as simple as just blowing up the room, or it could destroy the entire building. Maybe even reach Bruce who was sitting on a rock. Everyone was unaware of the danger they were now in. 

"Nothing, my hallway curved and connected to Nomad's hallway, so Nomad it's me behind you don't attack" Shit, he could faintly hear Nat's footsteps, getting closer after every second. His phone buzzed again. 

_From Shield traitor: Run_

The bomb suddenly sprung to life, starting to count down, and he sprung into action. 

"BOMB" he yelled over the comm, grabbing Nat, who yelled in shock, and threw her over his shoulder, before sprinting down his hallway.

_9_

"How long was the timer, do I have time to deactivate it?" Tony yelled over the comm, sounding ready to fly through the roof if he could just pin point their location. J.A.R.V.I.S was probably already scanning for their heat signatures. 

_6_

"Six seconds!" he shouted, tightening his grip on Nat as she started to slide down his back. 

_4_

He wasn't going to make it out of the building, there wasn't time. It was probably why there were only 10 seconds; no time for him to escape, no time for Tony to fly in and deactivate it. He ran into a frightened looking Clint, and without stopping grabbed his wrist and dragged him along behind him. 

"Get out of there!" it was Thor this time, and god damn it he was trying. Kicking open the closest door he ran in and slammed it shut behind them, figuring if they couldn't get out they may as well try and get somewhere for cover. He wished he had the shield, this wouldn't have been so stressful if they could have all hidden behind it. Practically throwing Clint into the corner (he'd apologize for the bruises it would probably leave later) he dropped Nat on top of him and then shielded them both with his own body. He would be the shield. 

_0_

The boom was deafening as the bomb exploded, the walls rattling as pieces started to fall. The force caused him to bang his head against the wall, but he soldiered on and dug his fingers into the wall causing dents from his strength. Debris started to fall onto him, the ceiling starting to crack above them. Still he did not move, not letting a single piece touch either of his friends.

Clint somehow managed to roll Nat underneath of him, shielding her, so Steve only had to shield Clint. Tony and Thor were both screaming over the comms, which wasn't helping his growing headache. 

"Talk to me, where the fuck are you?" the room was heating up, the fire from the bomb right outside the door. Hopefully the fire wouldn't enter the room and burn them to a crisp. 

"We're ok, shit, Nomad saved our lives" Nat said into the comm in shock, like she couldn't believe he actually would. The way she was looking up at him from where she lay, only proved his thoughts that she really couldn't believe it. After their treatment of him, they probably expected him to trip them so that they would burn. 

"Well done Nomad!" Thor cheered, and Steve let out a small laugh. 

"Thanks" he huffed, locking his arms up even tighter as more debris started to fall. A particularly sharp piece fell and dug into his bicep, causing him to let out a hiss of pain as it scraped his skin, causing blood to bubble to the surface. 

"You ok?" Clint asked, noticing the blood, grimacing as it started to drip onto his face. 

"We need to get out of here. The roof is going to collapse soon, but we can't use the door. Got any ideas Iron Man?" Steve asked, hoping the genius of the team had already worked something out. But all was quiet on the comms. 

"Tony?" he asked, wondering if the fire had somehow spread and killed the two in the air. 

"Shit, ya I'm here" finally he answered, and Steve exhaled. Thank god. "Thor, go get Bruce. I'm going to find them, you bring Bruce to me, he's going to Hulk up and help us destroy the wall. Everyone makes it out, no one dies" So that's why he had gone quiet. He hadn't realized it, too busy thinking about not dying, but this was exactly how he had 'died'. Of course Tony would be thinking about that. 

It was a solid plan, the only problem was time. They needed a few minutes to put the plan into action, and of course the building wasn't going to wait for that. 

"Hurry up" he demanded, feeling the vibrations in the wall, meaning the building was barely struggling to stay up. 

It was as if the ceiling could hear his thoughts, as at that moment the part above them collapsed. He had heard people say that in a life or death moment the situation had slowed down. It had never happened to him, until this moment. The section of the ceiling was slowly dropping down on them. Clint and Nat were squirming and shouting, trying to evade it. Tony was shouting trying to figure out what the panic was about. Thor was trying to reassure them he had Bruce and was flying him over.

Steve did the only thing he could do in this moment; he lifted his arms and caught the falling ceiling, centimetres from crushing him and the others.

It really wasn't that heavy for him, but he didn't want to seem like it was easy for him. Sure, they had seen him lift a pole out of the ground, but he had struggled with that with the beating he had taken so they thought he had some super strength but nothing crazy. It wouldn't look suspicious if he had some super strength, many heroes did, but too much and they would start to get suspicious. Few could actually match his strength, one of those people being a god. If he started to lift cars and stopping helicopters they would know who he was. So, in order to prevent that he had to act like this was heavy for him. 

"Holy shit" Clint breathed out. 

"What is going on, seriously you people suck at communication" Tony snapped, and Steve could hear him with his super hearing just outside the wall. 

"Nomad is holding up the ceiling from crushing us" Nat said in amazement. 

"Beg your pardon?" Tony asked, wondering if he had heard her right. Replacement was actually saving their lives?

"Nomad is holding up the ceiling" Clint re answered. There was a roar outside, and as terrifying as it usually was, to Steve it sounded like a beautiful melody. Hulk was here and ready to smash. While he wasn't straining himself, he also didn't want to be here any longer.

"Ok big guy, punch right here. Not a full punch we don't want the entire wall to break on one try. We can't get too close to them or you could cause the entire wall to collapse on top of them. Thor stand beside him; if any of the wall seems like its going to break and cause more harm then not, grab it and throw it far away from here. We need majority of the wall to collapse toward us, not towards them" Tony ordered. It seems between him and Nat they had taken over as leaders of the team. He was proud of them. 

The first punch startled Steve. It sounded like another bomb going off. If there was another bomb, they wouldn't survive. His phone hadn't buzzed again, so he assumed H.Y.D.R.A was waiting to see what happened. Although, with the fire and explosion, the cameras should all be wiped out. 

He tightened his grip on the ceiling, the force of the punches causing it to shift, and crack dangerously, like it was going to break into smaller pieces. 

The second punch caused the light from the moon to shine into the room. He could see the green from Hulk's fist as it grabbed the hole and pulled down. Thor and Tony were standing beside him, Thor grabbing pieces to move out of the way as they fell. 

"Go" he ordered Nat and Clint, nodding his head towards the opening. 

"What about you?" Clint asked, but he was already crawling out from under Steve, offering Nat his hand when he was out so he could tug her along.

"Don't worry about me, just go!" he said, sounding so much like his Captain self. He didn't miss the way Clint and Nat seemed to tense up, probably thinking about it as well. 

"We will get him out, you just focus on getting yourselves to safety" Thor told them as he moved into the room, coming to stand as close to Steve as possible. "Are you alright Nomad?" and he couldn't help but to snort. 

"I'm doing great Thor, this is a piece of cake" he said with fake sarcasm. Really it was a piece of cake. Thor didn't seem to understand as he looked at him in confusion, but before he could comment Tony was also sliding up to them. 

"You doing ok?" he asks, and Steve felt annoyance building in him. 

"Why does everyone keep asking me if I'm doing ok? I am literally holding up a ceiling right now, so no I am not doing so great" if he wasn't a superhero he should have become an actor. He was selling his role very well. "Sorry, but can we please move past checking up on me, and instead work on getting me out of here?" 

"Thor, grab the edge of the ceiling. Together the two of you are going to gently, and I can't stress how important I say gently, set it down and get out. I'll be here ready to fly in and shield you if I have to Nomad, and Hulk is ready to jump in and hold up the building if it continues to collapse" it was the first time Tony had called him Nomad instead of Replacement, and it felt good to know he was moving up the scale. He would take on an entire building collapsing if it meant Tony would talk to him. 

Thor followed Tony's command, and together they put down the ceiling. Tony grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the room Thor following close behind, just moments before the wall he had been beside collapsed right where he had been standing. 

"Are you two ok?" Steve asked, looking at Clint and Nat who were showing a moment of emotions, even though it was against their spy code, by hugging each other. 

"Thanks to you" Clint told him, smiling slightly. 

"Nice job" Nat said, which also meant 'thank you'. He had gotten good at reading the Black Widow's hidden meanings. 

"This definitely had something to do with Steve's death. Why else would there be a bomb in an abandoned base? They are waiting to take out the rest of us, in the same way they took out Steve. We have to get back and-" Tony rambled before Bruce, who had de-hulked and was currently pulling up his pants, cut him off.

"Tony, we can work on this first thing in the morning. Clint, Nat, and Nomad should all be checked over by a doctor just to make sure they are ok. Especially Nomad, who knows what sort of strain was put on his muscles" none, but no one knew that. Tony looked ready to argue, but stopped as he looked around him, almost like he was seeing the destruction for the first time. Majority of the building was still standing, but the rooms right where the bomb had been were blown away, and sections of the wall surrounded them. Obviously, H.Y.D.R.A had just meant to scare them, not kill.

Yet. 

"Ok, we'll go back to the tower and you can call it a night" of course Tony wouldn't call it a night for himself, but he would allow his friends to get some rest. Steve wondered if he would have to call a cab to take him home, or if H.Y.D.R.A would have a car ready for him, but was stopped as Tony faced him. 

"Come on Nomad, it's about time you saw the tower" He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face, because Tony was allowing him to finally come to the tower. He could finally go home for a short while.

Ya, he'd definitely have an entire building collapse on him if it meant he could be closer to his family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, progress!


	9. Word Vomit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait. But here is a brand new chapter, that I hope you all enjoy. Happy New Years to everyone, stay safe and have fun

Walking through the doors of the elevator after they opened, was like coming home again, and he couldn’t hide the smile on his face. If the others looked at him they’d probably think he was just happy to finally see the inside of the famous Avengers tower. 

The tower was exactly how he remembered it. It was like nothing had changed and that he was walking in on that Friday night, ready to watch whatever Clint had picked, and nothing tragic had happened. It almost startled him with the familiarity.

The only difference was the atmosphere; gloomy and dark. 

"Welcome back Sir, Master Barton, Master Thor, Master Banner, and Miss Romanoff. How was the mission?" even J.A.R.V.I.S sounded glum as he spoke, but was still his respectful English self. He felt eyes on him, so he did the usual look around like he had no idea where the voice was coming from. Even when he wasn't Bishop, the sound of J.A.R.V.I.S voice sometimes still had him looking around for a brief moment before he remembered. 

"Unsuccessful. J, this is the newest member of the team Carter Bishop aka Nomad aka Replacement. Nomad, meet my A.I, J.A.R.V.I.S" Tony introduced, making his way to the bar to pour himself some whiskey. 

"Pleasure to meet you Mr. Bishop" J.A.R.V.I.S introduced himself, and Steve could hear the slight hostility in his voice. Even an A.I was affected by his death. 

"You as well J.A.R.V.I.S" he didn't know what to do now. Everyone was making their way to do something, but no one had instructed him as to what he should be doing. Normally, after such a close call mission, everyone would gather on the couch and watch a comedy. None of them were good at talking about their feelings, but knowing they weren't alone was good enough. It seemed that wasn't the case anymore. 

"You want a drink Nomad?" Tony asked, seeing his hesitation on moving, and he smiled appreciatively. 

"Sure" he moved to the bar, and took a seat, watching as Tony mixed him his own drink. 

"It's nothing fancy, just a Rum and Coke. Well, 90% Rum, 10% Coke" Tony told him, a slight smile on his face as he slid the drink over. 

"Your tower is impressive," Steve said, when an awkward silence filled the air. 

"Thanks, but it's only 88% mine. 12% belongs to my CEO Pepper" Tony smiled at the mention of Pepper, and Steve couldn't help his own smile, even if it was a little sad. He was happy Tony had someone like Pepper in his life; someone who helped him when he fell, but didn't put up with his shit. A shoulder to cry on, but someone who wouldn't let him be sad alone.

He was just sad that that person wasn't him. 

“Inside joke?” he asked, although he had heard from Pepper about how ‘gracious’ Tony had been when giving her some of the tower. 

“Ya” the silence was back. At some point everyone else had left the room, leaving just the two of them at the bar. Steve took the moment to sneak a glance at Tony, without it being obvious that he was practically checking him out, but when his eyes glanced over, he was surprised to see Tony already looking, doing the exact same thing he had been planning on. Although, he wasn’t trying to hide it. Tony was never subtle. 

“Listen Nomad, I just wanted to clear the air between us. I don’t hate you personally, I hate what you are” Tony starts, and Steve can’t hide his wince at Tony’s choice of words. Pretending or not, it’s still hard to hear things like that.

“Shit, that didn’t come out right. I hate what you are, because you are a replacement to Ste-steve” Tony took a moment to compose himself, after stuttering on his name, before continuing, “and everytime I look at you, I think about how it should be him here with us, instead of you. And I’m sorry, because you do seem like a nice guy, hell, you risked your life for Clint and Natasha, but I can’t get over what you are” Tony downed his glass, and started making himself another. 

“You don’t have to be my friend. The fact that you are letting me in the tower, is more than I could ever ask for. I’m not trying to replace him, because I know I will never be him. And I’m ok with that. Really, I am” Steve smiled at him, trying to physically show that it was ok if none of them wanted to be his friend. If the roles were reversed, Steve would never be able to get along with Tonys replacement. 

“Are you sure you’re from Hell’s Kitchen? Because you seem way too nice to come from such a hell hole” Tony asked, arching an eyebrow to go along with it. Steve chuckled, and took a sip from his drink.

“Who knows, maybe I’m actually a Canadian” he teased, and it was Tony’s turn to chuckle. 

“Sweet, funny, and selfless. Now I really feel like an asshole”

“You don’t have to feel that way. I can’t even imagine losing someone I was close to,” Bucky flashed through his mind, but he ignored it, “and I can tell you and the Captain were very close” in all honesty he wasn’t sure why he was leading the conversation this way. Perhaps it was because Tony had never really talked about how he felt about Steve, and he hoped that maybe Tony would say something that would tell him that his own feelings might actually be returned. 

Tony didn’t answer for quite some time, instead choosing to stare at his glass, and Steve thought he wasn’t going to answer, until he finally did. 

“We were” Tony started, looking like he was trying to find the right words to describe their relationship, and Steve agreed; he didn’t know how he would voice their relationship either. 

“It’s funny. You would never think of us as being close. We didn’t like each other in the beginning. I thought he was stuck up, too serious, and judgemental. And when I looked at him I was reminded of something I didn’t have growing up, that I wanted more than anything. And he thought similar things about me. That I was careless, reckless, only cared about myself. And it probably didn’t help how high tech and advanced I am, reminding him even more of the fact that he wasn’t in his era anymore. I think it changed at the end of the battle of New York. When I flew the missile into space, he hesitated to close the portal. If he really hated me, he wouldn’t have waited to close the portal, he would have ordered it to be closed right away, offering me no chance of coming back. But he didn’t. And when I woke up again he had the most brilliant smile on his face, like he was actually happy to see me alive and well”  _ I had been,  _ Steve thought as Tony’s story carried on. It was like word vomit, now that Tony was opening up, he couldn’t stop himself. 

“Little things about our relationship changed. He’d sit down in the lab while I was down there, and would just draw. I never got to see what it was he was drawing, but it must have been something embarrassing. He flushed so red when I asked about it. And I made it a point to actually leave my lab when I knew he was watching tv, or reading a book”  _ Keep going. _

“It’s like one of those novels all the teenagers seem to love. The two main characters don’t get along in the beginning, then they become friends, then best friends, then something else. To bad we got stuck in between friends and best friends. It would have been interesting to see what would have happened”  _ Say it Tony.  _

But Tony didn’t listen to Steve’s inner dialogue.

“Sorry, I’m bordering on tipsy, and I’ve told you way to much” His whole mood seemed to change. The realization that he had just opened up to practically a stranger had kicked in, and the walls were going back up. Tony walked around the bar counter, and made his way over to the elevator. 

“Tony” he tried to call him back but all he got was a raised hand, dismissing him. 

“J.A.R.V.I.S can show you where to go if you want to stay the night” Steve watched his back until he couldn’t see him anymore. His sighed and slumped over, downing the rest of his drink. 

“Shall I escort you to a bedroom, or to the door?” J.A.R.V.I.S stopped his inner pity party, using a tone that suggested he chose the latter. 

“The door please” 

* * *

Walking up the sidewalk to his building in Hell’s Kitchen was hard. For a moment he was back in the tower, and it was like being home. Being forced to leave was a reminder of his life now. 

He was surprised he hadn’t received a text from H.Y.D.R.A all day, but he was thrilled. He would enjoy the silence while it lasted. 

He glanced up at the sky as he felt a raindrop hit the top of his head. He was just a few steps from his door, so he would avoid getting drenched. But as he glanced up, he noticed a flash of red on his roof, before disappearing in a flash. 

_ Matt _

Hurriedly, but not too fast as to draw suspicion, he made his way up the stairs two at a time. He flung the door open, but grabbed it before it could hit the wall and make a loud bang sound and gain Cathy’s attention. 

He glanced around the roof, but didn’t see anyone. Had he imagined the flash of red?

“Sit down” rang through the air, cutting into the pitter-patter of rain hitting the cement. Thank you god, Matt was really here. Walking over to the edge he took a seat at the edge of the roof like he was during his first meeting with Daredevil. 

“Cathy might get suspicious if she catches me sitting here in the rain”

“I’m blind, I can’t read the weather forecast” Matt huffed from behind him. 

“It’s great to see you Matt” and truly it was. If Matt was here then it must mean he has good news for him. 

“It’s good to see that you’re still hanging on” Matt told him honestly, obviously thinking about the first meeting when Steve was in tears after the death of the waitress. Not a day went by that Steve didn’t think about the horrific death that he had caused, but he had to soldier on. He was positive that when everything was done he would break down, but he had to carry on to prevent more deaths. 

“It’s easier when I know this isn’t going to be permanent. I hope you have some good news for me” 

“I do. I got Frank Castle out of jail. I explained everything I could, and he is currently staying in a secure location” of course by secure Matt probably meant secure from others getting in, and Castle getting out. As much as Frank could help him, it was important to remember what he was capable of. “He is willing to help, but when it is all done, we let him go. Those were his conditions”

“If we let him go, how do we know he isn’t going to kill innocent people? The police were lucky to catch him once, it won’t happen again” Steve had never met the man, but he knew people like him. Natasha and Clint for example. There’s only two ways you catch them; they either let you catch them, or it’s pure luck. You let them go, you never get them back. 

“As much as I disagree with the man’s actions, I know him. He’s only going to kill people directly responsible for his children and wife’s deaths. Innocent people won’t die. And if he gets out of hand, I’m sure I can think of a few people who will help stop him. Besides, isn’t what he’s going to do to them, exactly what you want to do with H.Y.D.R.A?” and it was. But the difference was, Steve only thought about these things, Castle was more than capable and willing to act on them. If he was given a gun, could he really shoot to kill? 

“Alright. I agree to his terms. I want to meet him first though, before we start taking down H.Y.D.R.A” He wasn’t going to trust Matt’s word that Castle was willing to help without actually getting a feel for him first. 

“Obviously” Steve rolled his eyes at Matt’s response. 

“So what now?” apparently not being a Captain anymore meant that he wasn’t able to come up with his own plans. 

“I’ll keep Frank under control. You try and figure out how many S.H.I.E.L.D members are actually H.Y.D.R.A. When we take down H.Y.D.R.A we are going to be taking out a large part of S.H.I.E.L.D. We need to know which S.H.I.E.L.D members are pulling out their guns to shoot the bad guys, and which are pulling out their guns to shoot the good. And, you need to work on your friend. None of this plan can go into action until the Nanobots are deactivated” He just had to work on getting his Bucky back. Speaking of Bucky, if Rumlow had been being honest about setting up a ‘play date’ between him and Bucky that should be happening soon. 

“I have to go now, and you need to get out of the rain before someone notices. Goodnight Captain” Steve stood up, for the first time realizing how wet he had gotten. When he turned around, Matt was already gone. 

* * *

_ Back at the tower _

Tony was in his workshop, but for once he wasn’t working. He was on his Stark pad, scrolling through photos and text messages, all centered around one man. 

Pathetic right? Months since Steve’s death, and he still isn’t over it. But to be honest, he didn’t think he would ever be over it. It still felt like there was a hole in his chest, like how it felt when he was back in Afghanistan. Something was missing, something important, and he couldn’t get it back. He was tempted to leave the tower, Steve’s ghost was everywhere, but he couldn’t. He still had four other teammates alive, and they needed him. Even though they weren’t on speaking terms with one another, only really talking for missions and when they had to, they had each others backs. Always. 

“What do you think J? About the replacement” Tony asked as one of his photos popped up on the screen. It was one J.A.R.V.I.S had taken without either of their knowledge. Steve was in the workshop, sitting on the couch Tony had put in just for him. He was drawing in that one sketchbook of his, the one he always brought down to the lab. It was the one with the faded red cover, and he only saw it in the lab. If they were on the couch upstairs, or in a S.H.I.E.L.D meeting, or out on the balcony, Steve had different notebooks. The red one was the lab one. 

He looked so peaceful in the photo, a tiny smile on his face as he lost himself in his work. His lip was in between his teeth, nibbling gently as he sketched. 

“It is hard, sir. Knowing that he will walk through the doors Master Rogers can not. But he does seem nice, and he seems like he cares” J.A.R.V.I.S told him gently, using a tone that was uncommon for the A.I.

“He saved Nat and Clint” Tony added on. 

“But he is not Steve Rogers” 

“He is not Steve Rogers” he agreed, tracing Steve’s face. He still remembers the elevator doors opening, everyone turning thinking it was Steve, surprised to see Fury instead. 

_ “Not the person I expected or wanted to see, eye patch” Tony teased, but Fury said nothing. Didn’t respond to Tony’s joke like he normally did.  _

_ “Fury?” Nat asked, sitting up with Clint, both of them knowing what Fury’s serious, serious face looked like. Not his serious, happy face.  _

_ “There’s been an accident” was all he said, putting one hand on the wall to steady himself. The second sign that something was wrong. Very wrong.  _

_ “What kind of accident?” Clint asked.  _

_ “There was an explosion. At Steve’s apartment” the air left Tony’s lungs as he heard those words. An explosion? Someone was trying to hurt Steve? Someone was about to be murdered by Iron Man’s hands.  _

_ “Where’s Steve? Is he ok? Man, he’s going to be pissed, he loved his little run down apartment. At least now he might be motivated to get a cleaner place” _

_ “Stark” Fury interrupted him, and for the first time in a while, Tony fell silent at someones command. _

_ “There was an explosion at Steve’s apartment. He was inside” the others all grew tense at his words, and Tony couldn’t take it anymore.  _

_ “Where’s Steve?” he demanded, standing up and prepared to force it out of Fury.  _

_ “We found his body, under all the rubble” No.  _

_ “There was nothing we could do” No.  _

_ “Steve Rogers is dead” he couldn’t breath.  _

“I do suspect something strange about Mr. Bishop” J.A.R.V.I.S interrupted his thoughts.

“What do you mean?”

“I am not quite sure. There was something strange about him” perhaps it was due to J.A.R.V.I.S’s dislike towards the man that made him suspicious, but J.A.R.V.I.S was there for him before everyone else, despite being an A.I system. If J.A.R.V.I.S thought there was something there, he would look into it. 

“I know we’ve already done a background check on the man, but run another one. Find out everything. And when I invite him back to the tower, scan him. Do any physical test you need” Tony ordered, swiping to a new photo. 

“Of course sir” whatever Bishop was hiding, wouldn’t be hidden for much longer. 

  
  



End file.
